7 Movie Romances That Will Make You Glad To Be Alone On Valentine’s Day

Tuesday, February 14 by

Lars and Bianca – Lars and the Real Girl

Say what you will about Ryan Gosling’s relationship with a blow-up sex doll, but it seems to be a healthier relationships than lots of dysfunctional ones I’ve seen in both real life and in film. Lars is a man who still bears the scars of a distant, saddened father, and finds solace in the inanimate Bianca. While many people carry on relationships with women that are essentially little more than sex dolls, Lars just goes whole hog and courts an actual doll.

When Lars finds he’s ready to grow, he decides that Bianca “dies,” and following the funeral, sparks a romance with a real “real girl.” Yay for growing up.

King Kong and Ann – King Kong

I’m sure the sex between Ann and King Kong would probably be pretty painful if at all possible, so it would have been interesting to see how the relationship between man and beast would have progressed had he not been gunned down in a hail of bullets atop the Empire State Building.

While the extent of Kong’s love for Ann is clear, it’s not clear how far she would have been willing to go for Kong. It was clear that he took good care of her, but fairly rote tasks like attending parent-teacher conferences or dinner parties could be difficult with a gigantic ape. And don’t get me started on a trip to the zoo. King Kong gets all preachy when it comes to zoos.

The Fly and Veronica – The Fly

Veronica fell in love with Seth, but after a freak experiment, she was destined to live out the rest of his days with a human-insect fusion known as BrundelFly. And that couldn’t have been easy. While The Fly initially showed some promise in the form of increased strength, speed, and sexual prowess, those qualities waned and were replaced by such “qualities” as detachable ears, vomiting on food, and a propensity for kidnapping.

As with so many of these unconventional love stories, there isn’t much in the way of a happy ending, as Veronica ends up shooting the blob of goo that the fly had become, killing him (it).

Again, not a good movie for tonight. Might I suggest Friends with Benefits?

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