7 Movie Horses We Want To Slaughter, Then Eat

Tuesday, December 6 by
Tune in next week for "Cartoon Cats We Would Love To Butter Poach." 

Good news for people who really want to eat horses: Horses can now be slaughtered for their meat in the United States, which I can safely say is the greatest news I have ever heard in my life. Regardless of whether you love horse meat, or just think it’s really, really good, this comes as good news. This is the second best horse story we’ve reported in the past month!

We can’t really hold a conversation about delicious horse meat without discussing which horses from stage and screen we would most like to eat. It’s hard, because there a lot of movies out there with succulent horses. It’s also nice because horses in movies generally die of trauma, which may sound terrible, but if you’re going to eat a horse, you’d much rather eat one that died from a bullet than from a cocktail of euthanizing chemicals. Trust me.

With that in mind, here are seven movie horses that we would be absolutely delighted to slaughter and eat.

Seabiscuit – Seabiscuit

The name alone makes my mouth water. Seabiscuit. Yum. As a rule, I try not to eat things that Tobey Maguire has sat on, but with this horse, I’m happy to make an exception.

I would make a dish called Seabiscuits and Gravy. Yum.

Spirit – Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron

I have stared at that title for about five minutes, and I’m still not convinced that last word isn’t “cinnamon.” I’ve never had a horse with cinnamon before, but I’m hazarding a guess that the horse is a bit gamey, as it comes for the West. But a few shakes of cinnamon should play nicely off its earthy, earthy meat.

Note: This is the second of many horses that have delicious names.

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