7 Movie Baseball Players Less Clutch Than A-Rod

Thursday, September 29 by

5. Babe Ruth – The Babe

The actual Babe Ruth is completely clutch. The man called his shot for god’s sake. Who guarantees a home run (beside Paul O’Neil)? However the fictionalized Babe looked less than spry, even by Ruthian standards. He gets winded halfway through his swing, and looks like he may sweat hot dogs.

Also, John Goodman-Babe Ruth is married to Kelly McGillis, which means he makes bad decisions in the clutch. Can’t have that.

4. Ty Cobb – Cobb

Continuing with inadequate portrayals of real ballplayers…

Let’s see. Tommy Lee Jones is 408 years old today, and Cobb was released in 1994, which means it was filmed in 1993, which was 18 years ago, so Tommy Lee Jones would have been 390 years old when he portrayed the much-maligned contact hitter.

He’s too old to pass for an intimidating baseball player, is what I’m getting at. He would make for the world’s greatest manager in a baseball film. How has this not happened? I’m pretty sure TLJ was born spitting sunflower seeds.

3. Roger Dorn – Major League

No wonder the Indians fans were pessimistic during spring training.

“Who’s your starting shortstop?”

“Oh, a tan, leathery Corbin Bernsen. Who’s yours?”

“Ozzie Smith.”

“Shit.”

He succeeded in setting Rick Vaughn straight at the end of the single-game playoff, but we never really saw him play any better than he did at the beginning of the season. Sure, he was hustling more than he did with his “olé bullshit,” but my fat nephew hustles his ass off, and he still sucks. He’s went from “bad player that wasn’t a role player” to “bad player that was sort of a role player.”

Yay?

Do you like this story?