7 Movie Baseball Players Less Clutch Than A-Rod

Thursday, September 29 by
I would charge the shit out of this kid.  

After Wednesday’s last minute scrambles and upsets to finalize the playoff slate, it’s a safe statement thatplayers appear on every contender’s lineup, but feared players get all the press. What about the players that no one would fear? Every lineup has its fair share of those as well, but it’s a more curious phenomenon in film, in which any player could be crafted to carry himself as larger-than-life. Despite this fact, many end up being as disappointing as Todd Van Poppel.

Here are seven such Van Poppels.

7. Ed – Ed

Ed is a monkey, which means that, while he lacks the advanced intelligence of a human, it will be hard to get inside his head. I would think that a monkey would have trouble responding to directives such as “intentional walk” and “pitch away.”

Further, not to harp on this bunting thing, but how easy would it be to lay one down the third base line, only to throw a banana down near first. He would predictably go to first, letting the ball roll towards third, but there’s always the chance that the baserunner would step on the banana, angering Ed and causing him to eat the baserunner’s face off.

It’s a trade off.

6. Mae Mordibito – A League of Their Own

Madonna has slept with a lot of baseball players. I’m not positive, but I am CONFIDENT that baseball talent is not sexually transmitted, so I think she would actually need to play baseball to get better at it, rather than just bang-out Jose Canseco or A-Rod.

Do you like this story?