Your parents/J. Edgar Hoover used to tell you that crime doesn't pay. What they left out was this: Crime doesn't pay if you're an idiot.

In honor of that valuable lesson, (and with 30 Minutes or Less coming out on DVD/Blu-ray) I'm here to show you seven of the most inept duos in cinema history. Enjoy.

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Dwayne and Travis, 30 Minutes or Less

These two screwups (to put it mildly), played by Danny McBride and a startlingly brilliant Nick Swardson, have what seems like a good plan: Strap a time bomb to a pizza delivery guy and force him to rob a bank and hand the cash over to them. Wait, on second thought, that seems like a terrible idea. Anyway, their basic idiocy and lack of experience in criminal matters doesn't help things. It takes more than dynamite to achieve one's humble dream of opening a tanning salon/brothel.

Jasper and Horace, One Hundred and One Dalmatians

Like a lot of dumb criminals, Jasper and Horace aren't bad dudes, really. But they're working for one of the most evil villains of all time: Cruella DeVil. They basically follow the Laurel and Hardy template of "tall dumb guy, short, slightly-less dumb guy." Funny thing: Horace (the short one) often correctly guesses what the Dalmatians are up to, maybe because he shares some kind of animal savant quality with them. Nobody ever listens to Horace though, and thank God for that - unless you're a Dalmatian fur enthusiast.

Carl and Gaear, Fargo

These guys are probably a bit smarter/more experienced than most of the other duos on this list. But in a fun twist, the guy they're working for is a complete dope. That dope, Jerry Lundegaard (played by William H. Macy), hires the pair (played by Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare) to kidnap his wife so he can collect the ransom from her rich father. Since this is a Coen brothers movie, it all goes horribly wrong, in part due to these guys' proclivity for killing people even when it's not completely necessary. Better safe than sorry, I guess.

Ordell and Louis, Jackie Brown

Jackie Brown teaches us the lesson that just because somebody acts like he knows what he's doing it doesn't mean he actually does. This rule applies to Ordell Robbie, played by Samuel L. Jackson, and it applies hard. Louis Gara, played by Robert De Niro, isn't much better off. One particularly memorable example of his ineptitude is when after a major heist, he forgets where the car is parked. That's, like, rule number 1, man.

Frank and Tonny, Pusher

One of the hazards in being an inept criminal duo is that it can be easy for the authorities to put a wedge in between the two of you, which can have disastrous consequences if you don't keep your shit together. And "keeping your shit together" is not low-level drug pusher Frank's specialty. So after getting some smokescreen from the cops, he beats the bejeezus out of his friend Tonny's skull with a tire iron. Don't worry, Tonny fans, he comes back in Pusher II, albeit with some minor brain damage. The "RESPECT" tattoo across the back of his head is thankfully intact, though.

Waldo and Felix, The Comedy of Terrors

Here's a cool moneymaking idea - Step one: Be the owner of a failing funeral home. Step two: Murder people in their homes so business at your funeral home stays strong. Step three: Profit! Or at least make enough pocket money to keep the alcohol flowing. This is the business model that Waldo (Vincent Price) and his reluctant, good-hearted associate Felix (Peter Lorre) are practicing in this comic horror/thriller. Their ineptitude is most evident when they are required to sneak in and out of people's houses quietly - Felix in particular has a hard time with the whole "don't crash into vases, lamps, and everything else that makes a really loud noise" thing.

George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, W.

Sometimes it only takes one half of a criminal duo to paint the whole partnership as a pair of dopes. That's the case with Bush and Cheney here. Dick Cheney has everything figured out - go to war with Iraq, eliminate civil liberties, waterboard, waterboard, waterboard, and profit. All his cohort Bush wants to do is drink beer, play baseball, and pray to Jesus. But, Bush is the President, so Cheney has to go along with him. Or do I have that backwards? Josh Brolin and Richard Dreyfuss play Bush and Cheney respectively in the tradition of the great criminal duos - Bush's moment of ineptitude comes in the form of a botched press conference. A journalist asks himwhy he went to war with Iraq, and he, uh, doesn't know. Oops.