7 Conquistador Movies That Every Aztec Would Fear

Thursday, July 19 by Irving Oala

The Aztecs would most likely fear most movies in general, as the notion of seeing moving images on a screen would probably make them think the gods turned on the human race (especially if they happen to see a Brett Ratner movie). However, movies about conquistadors would truly frighten them, as the conquistadors were vicious Spanish and Portuguese explorers who basically wiped out their civilization. If you ever want to frighten off an army of Aztecs, check out these movies. 

"Conquistadors" This four-part documentary series follows documentarian and naturalist Michael Wood as he explores Mexico and parts of central America, charting the course of the conquistadors. While the first few parts may be entertaining to a crowd of Aztecs, the last parts will tell of the destruction of their empire during the 16th century.

"The Fountain" This film from director Darren Aronofsky follows a conquistador on the search for the Fountain of Youth, among other confusing storylines. While the conquistador scenes are fleeting, they are incredibly realistic and will probably remind the Aztecs of what the men who wiped them out looked like. That is, if they aren't totally confused by what is actually happening in the film itself.

"Aguirre: The Wrath of God" Arguably one of the most accurate films about the conquistadors rolling into Mexico and wiping out the Aztecs, Werner Herzog's tale follows a crazed conquistador slaughtering and enslaving everyone in his path. This little known critical darling of a film from the early '70s will scare any Aztec watching and leave you amazed.

"Aztec Rex" The 16th century aren't sticklers for storylines or realistic effects and this movie will probably scare the hell out of them while you burst out laughing.

"Apocalypto" Despite the despicable things Mel Gibson seems to regularly do in his personal life, his directing prowess is top-notch in "Apocalypto," a story about the Mayans in the jungles of Mexico just before the conquistadors arrive. This film will probably be the most entertaining to the Aztecs until the terrifying conclusion when the conquistadors arrive and prepare to wipe the Mayan civilization out. While it's not their tribe of natives being killed, the Aztecs can certainly identify.

"La Otra Conquista" This acclaimed foreign film follows Hernando Cortez as he arrives in Mexico in the 1500s and proceeds to wipe out most of the Aztecs who cross his path. As historically accurate as any of this genre of films, the Aztec audience will most likely be aghast from the start, as it opens in the midst of a massacre.

"The Road to El Dorado" On a much lighter, but equally terrifying note, the DreamWorks animated film "The Road to El Dorado" tells the story of Cortez as he happily trounces through Mexico in search of the city of El Dorado. Aztec viewers might be scared or just really angry, as it's sort of like doing a happy, glossed over animated retelling of a massacre of people. However, if you're going to revise history, it's best to do it with cartoons.

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