6 Theater Snacks That Should Have Died Before Dippin’ Dots

Friday, November 4 by

Milk Duds (by themselves)

I love milk duds, but not a la carte. No, no, no. Milk Duds by themselves are hell on earth, with a consistency similar to one of those pink erasers. But covered in chocolate. At room temperature, they seem to be more a jaw-strength measuring device than a snack. So if we’re going solo, I’m going Rolo’s. That was an unfortunate rhyme.

Rather, I prefer my duds situated in a big, steaming bag of popcorn so that they soften, and sometimes melt, giving a chocolatey, caramely dimension to my popcorn.

I had a friend that would buy a large popcorn and Milk Duds, dump the Milk Duds into the popcorn, then if after five minutes or so, the candies didn’t melt, he would return the popcorn for being too cold and ask them for a hot popcorn AND a new pack of Milk Duds.

My friend was a dick, but he was justified. If your popcorn isn’t hot enough to melt industrial grade waxy chocolate, it’s not hot enough to charge $8 for.


Any attempt to hide fruit, dried or otherwise, inside a chocolate pellet is not only sneaky, but disrespectful.

You know how I like my raisins? In a sealed box on the other side of the room, out of sight. Raisinets are a waste of chocolate. It’s like deep-frying a salad.

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