6 Technologies That Would Have Kept ‘The Matrix’ Safe From Neo

Monday, January 23 by

Cheats

Ever since the early 90s when Diablo was all the rage, there have been programs called “trainers” that let you manipulate games, doing things like giving yourself godlike abilities and weapons that make you invulnerable. Now, clearly this exists in the world of The Matrix, because that is essentially what Morpheus had done with Neo, Trinity, Cypher (okay, not Cypher, all he was good at was lying and f*cking up.) They gave themselves Super Jump©, Super Punch® and Two Fisted Gunnery™. So the Matrix apparently did the same thing… but why? Programmers have to give the ability to get hurt to game bosses and henchmen. Have you ever played a game in god mode? That is basically a back door that the programmer wrote that turns off functionality. By default, they can’t be killed, the game designers had to add the ability for them to die, and so why in the hell did the machines ever do that with the Agents? In my Matrix, the Agents would have miniguns in their fingers and they would not take damage, because I am an asshole, mostly, but also because I know good programming and good security.

Bandwidth Throttling

Okay, let’s assume the machines, for whatever reason, have left vulnerabilities in the system that allow Neo and company in, and let’s also assume they have these wireless access points all over the world in case, who knows, a sentinel decides he needs to watch Grandma shower (They’re machines; who knows what they are into?). How about this? When something/one is accessing The Matrix from the wireless network, limit their bandwidth. If you’ve ever played a game online, you have at some point experienced network lag, which turns a dominating ass-kicking fest into a clip show of you getting your ass kicked, like a violent version of those stupid moving photo montages they used to do on Sesame Street. Now imagine how different things might have gone at the beginning of the first movie if Trinity flew into the air for that famous kick, but she really did hang there, only in her brain there was a “Connection interrupted” signal flashing and a room full of confused cops looking at the lady floating in mid-air. I imagine after the fact that she had just broken an officer’s arm and nose; they would shoot her a few times and see if she fell.

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