Yesterday, the nation watched as Steven Tyler gifted us the sonic equivalent of an ice pick in the brainstem. It happened before the AFC Championship game between the New England Patriots and Baltimore Ravens. Fans were confused at first when what seemed like a homeless Fraggle wandered onto the field. However, confusion grew after they realized who was cameoing and began to scream the lyrics to the National Anthem. Without Joe Perry to lean against, his rendition was screechy and made the cheerleaders weep.

It seems that every time a Boston sports team makes it to a championship game, Steven Tyler is wrapped in fur and trotted out to the field. There are other singers from Boston, you guys. You don't have to use him consistently. I'm sure that any member of Bell Biv Devoe would be thrilled to take the gig.

That said, weird. Here are a few other weird places Steven Tyler popped up in where he didn't belong.

Lizzie McGuire - Himself

Never one to miss the opportunity to caterwaul or linger his eyes on girls a quarter his age, it only makes sense that Steven Tyler guest-starred as Santa Claus on Lizzie McGuire. He's the first person I think of when I'm trying to cast Santa in my head. Sorry, Kenny Rogers. All of your work has been for naught.

The Polar Express - Elf

Apparently rubbing up on some teen strange wasn't enough to sate Steven Tyler's yuletide yearnings. The King of Christmas also had a cameo in Robert Zemeckis's The Polar Express as an elf that screams at the top of his lungs. Not sure why they need an elf for that, but this casting makes absolute sense to me. If you're going to piss fire on the Uncanny Valley in order to scare children, you might as well pick a singer with as strange a face as possible.

Two and a Half Men - Himself

Steven Tyler was also on Two and a Half Men as a "rocker" neighbor whose loud music and hard partying ways proved too much for Charlie. However, if you were to judge from the still above, you'd assume he played Jon Cryer's lesbian aunt.

Hiding In The Shopping Cart Return At Target - Himself

When his American Idol duties allow, Steven Tyler likes to clear his head by standing beneath the shopping cart return at Target store #3147. He'll stand there for hours without food or water, just screaming and skatting until his worries and stresses melt away like butter in the rain. Though these sporadic throat jam sessions have caused the area's owl population to relocate, it really helps Steven work himself out. When he's done, the world just doesn't seem so big.

Be Cool - Himself

When producers of Be Cool needed an out of touch white guy to coo phrases like "Outta sight!," and "That really pops!," at Christina Milan, they didn't need to look any further than Steven Tyler. Though many fought for the role, Tyler was the only right choice. Delighting viewers as they watched his performance and wondered aloud, "Isn't that the chick from Knots Landing?

The Simpsons - Himself

Despite his hair, face, and clothes, there are still women out there who go crazy for Steven Tyler. Everywhere he goes, he's chased by crowds of females eager to act like school girls and show him their lack of self respect. Why should it be any different in Springfield? When Aerosmith stopped in at Flaming Moe's, Mrs. Krabappel let it be known she'd do anything to get on their bus. Which really is bullsh*t. Whenever I take girls somewhere on the bus, it never leads to sex.

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