Watch one of the finest offerings of British cinema and open a window onto this mysterious land where mythical and often dangerous metric system holds sway and comedy runs rampant. Pony up on your cockney rhyming slang and knock back some fish and chips as you cozy up to these six “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” quotes that will sort out your Jolly Roger.


A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.”

A plan to knock over a few drug dealers who voraciously use their product should’ve gone smooth as silk. Luckily for “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” the expected goes pear shaped and insanity ensues. Soap shows his aptitude for wordplay by throwing in a dash of ethnic cleansing to get the full taste of just how bad their day is going..


You could choke a dozen donkeys on that! And you're haggling over one hundred pound? What're you doing when you're not buying stereos Nick? Finance revolutions?

Few things wreck a nice little back and forth bartering than the buyer pulling out a roll of cash that could easily leave a bruise if he chose to bounce it off your skull. Donkey choking might be new to you but once you get tired of playing drawing games with strangers you might just come down from your high horse and start looking for weird thrills like everyone else. A perfect quote from “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” that showcases the imagination and creativity of the characters.


I'm not sure what's more worrying. The job or your past.”

There’s no way that Bacon can’t comment after Soap goes from mild mannered insult artist to a man with a newly revealed knife fetish that’s scarier than a bag full of spiders carried by a clown. When you need to pause to figure out if your friend is more of a potential problem than your plan to rip off some people who could be dangerous to your health, then you know you’re in it up to your neck. Off balance characters give the best quotes in “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”.


No. I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a f***ing rainforest! You could fall in love with an orangutan in that!

Bacon’s comment on the “refreshing drink” he was served at Samoan Joe’s refers to the trouble all sane people have in goofy bars: normal looking drinks. If you need color or umbrellas in your drink then you’re doing it wrong or trapped with the Swiss Family Robinson. Sure apes and monkeys are great but if your drink is causing them to make sweet, sweet love to the back of your head then you really need to take a long hard look at your drinking habits.


We've hit the jackpot, lads! We've got God-knows-how-much of this stinking weed, a s***load of cash...and a traffic warden.

Much like finding the same unwanted toy for the twentieth time at the bottom of your cereal box, the boys find an unconscious parking cop amidst their loot. This quote leads to the best “how hard is it to knock someone out” scene ever and thus should be a fan favorite. A quote for whenever things look far too good to be true from “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”.

What I do know is there's no more, Harry. Which means there's no more debt. And if there's no more debt, there's no more problem. And there's no problem with the neighbors...because they're all dead. And I think, if I get this right, we haven't done anything wrong...we're in the clear.

Morality gets dumped in a shallow grave on the edge of town as Eddy summarizes the gang’s journey. Wipe that angst away with some terrifically flawed yet awesome thinking from Eddy’s brain. If there's no one left to point the finger at you, then can you really be blamed?