It seemed like a good idea at the time. Smuggle rare chinchillas in your extra crevices and make some quick cash while you’re on vacation but then the cops showed and you become a super patriot as you run to “mommy,” passport raised proudly above your head. Forget your dreams of being a mule when you watch six embassy movies that prove diplomatic immunity is dangerous.
Awesome amounts of cheesy vengeance, the type that goes so well with movie nachos fills “Diplomatic Immunity” until it bursts all over your passport. Bruce Boxleitner plays the father of a daughter murdered by an effete Paraguayan artist who uses diplomatic immunity to get away from charges and back home to Paraguay. With the help of the always fun Billy Drago, Boxleitner seeks revenge bullet by bullet showing that immunity doesn’t stop bullets. Though make sure to appreciate the beauty of a speargun as mommy dearest takes one for the team in one of the funnier scenes.
One hell of a documentary on the grey areas of diplomatic access in the Congo, “The Ambassador” is an excellent expose on greed that runs rampant in the people who want to exploit third world countries for their resources. Mads Brugger’s visit to his business partner’s diamond mine in Zako will set you on edge for days as you realize papers can say what they want, but they will not stop danger.
Max Von Sydow defects and good old mother Russia packs him a lunch and wishes him well in “Embassy”. Unfortunately for Sydow, “lunch” in Russian means assassin but he does have Richard Roundtree of “Shaft” and “Roots” fame to watch his back. Although the assassin, played by Chuck Connors, is truly a menacing figure his true skill lies in playing ill to escape after being captured, it’s just so gloriously cheesy that you should fear for your life if the embassy can’t protect you from a bad acting murderer.
“Rules of Engagement”
With Samuel Jackson protecting the embassy you have to expect that diplomacy is going to come at the cost of a lot of bullets with a healthy body count soon followed by some serious international tension. What follows after the blood has congealed is solid dramatic tension as Jackson’s character, literally and figuratively, goes under the microscope as he’s brought up on charges to take the fall for the negative blowback on the United States from the event. Immunity isn’t fireproof so when those first Molotov cocktails hit the American embassy in “Rules of Engagement” as the mob turns violent and the marines get pinned down you might feel like swapping citizenship quick.
“Who Dares Wins”
Diplomatic immunity doesn’t work against future Stockholm syndrome when you’re holed up in the embassy as terrorists take over. “Who Dares Wins” starts out as a tale of espionage ending with an embassy full of threats, bullets and forced entries as negotiations fail and it’s up to the S.A.S. to rescue the embassy hostages. As the group of terrorists, disguised as Air Force, get led through the embassy you have to think that even in the 80's people should learn to be wary of anyone keeping one hand behind their back as they kill a marine guard using that very tactic.
“The Bourne Identity”
When suffering amnesia in a foreign country, your second step after your “best royalty in a foreign country with money to burn” email scam failed is to get to the embassy for help, protection and the complementary smoothie (shot of “justice” kale optional). This trip to the embassy for Jason Bourne didn’t quite make the perfect assassin’s bucket list by any means. You can feel the tension as the embassy becomes a new trap to escape from for Bourne, with soldiers ramping up to take this new threat down and frightened civilians and workers all attempting to flee to safety. Stock up on all the diplomatic immunity that you can find, as Bourne delivers the coup de junk punch to an agent trying to stop him then throws him down the stairs, you’ll see just how tough citizenship is against good old-fashioned bathing suit area type violence.