5 Things Netflix Should Rent Instead Of DVDs

Monday, October 10 by

Day Laborers

Move over, Home Depot! Netflix could absolutely OWN the landscape of gray-market immigrant labor with Netflix: ¡Trabajo Hoy!, a new service that lets members rent a person for manual labor for as long as they need them, with no late fees. The tiered pricing system allows members to pay for laborers that they use. No more and no less.

• $1200/month: 1 worker (good for landscaping, light bodyguarding)
• $1900/month : 2 workers (good for moving a small apartment, cooking meth)
• $2500/month: 3 workers (backyard wrestling audience, search for a bone marrow match)

When you’re done, just leave them out front. The cops will pick them up in no time.

VHS Tapes (Ironic, for Hipsters)

The nice thing here is that hipsters would only want to check-out the same eight titles, so breadth of inventory wouldn’t really be an issue.

What’s that? You want to know what titles the hipsters would want? OK.

• Mr. Mom
• Big Trouble in Little China
• Harold and Maude
• The Mask 2
Office Space (some movies are so great they transcend pretension)
• Snake Eyes
• 8MM
Con Air
• Space Cowboys

Puppies

Everyone likes puppies, so it stands to reason that Netflix could make a pretty penny offering a puppy delivery service that allows people to check out a puppy (breed of their choosing) and keep it for as long as they would like. The great part is, you will always have puppies, never full-grown dogs!

You’re probably wondering what happens to the puppies when they grow up and are no longer cute. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. They’re simply crushed into cubes, and those cubes are stacked in a cold-storage warehouse until future generations find a use for adolescent dogs that have been crushed into cubes.

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