5 Movies With Talking Animals (or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Embrace Our Animal Overlords)

Wednesday, November 16 by Houlihan Macaco

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For better or worse, Hollywood never gets sick of movies with talking animals. We all want to know what's on animals' minds, and filmmakers find ways to anthropomorphize these creatures year after year. Sometimes it's enlightening, and sometimes it's just plain nauseating. Below you'll find a collection of some of the least nauseating movies with talking animals. Rest assured that there are no annoying purple dinosaurs here. 

"Big Top Pee Wee".

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This 1988 followup to the 1985 blockbuster comedy "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" portrays Pee Wee as a farmer who becomes a circus star. Pee Wee's most trusted companion, a talking pig named Vance, is voiced by Wayne White. Vance is a swine genius who assists Pee Wee in his genetic engineering experiments that consist of hot dog trees, giant tomatoes and more. In one scene, Vance appears in safety glasses and a labcoat as he voices approval of the farmers' DNA tweaks. The origin's of the pig's English speaking abilities are not clear, but it can be assumed that he's a product of Pee Wee's lab. Vance's biggest accomplishment is that he is one of the few talking pigs to inspire a line of plush wind up toys in real life. 

"Look Who's Talking Now".

John Travolta and Kirstie Alley play James and Mollie Ubriacco in the third movie of the "Look Who's Talking" series. This 1993 movie features talking pets instead of the talking baby in part one of the trilogy and the talking toilet in part two. Daphne (voiced by Diane Keaton) is a very proud pedigreed poodle who is stuck in the same household of a less cooth streetsmart mutt named Rocks (voiced by Danny Devito). While not as cool as Mr. Toilet, the contrast of personalities is quite funny. When Rocks first shows on the scene, he wants to bone her silly, but stupid redneck dogs just seem to violate her aristocratic sensibilities. 

"Babe".

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While all the farm animals talk in this 1995 Chris Noonan family movie, the main character here is a piglet with an identity crisis. He ends up on a farm with other deranged animals like a duck who thinks he's a rooster. However, unlike the other confused animals, Babe finally finds his calling as a sheep pig under the training of Fly the sheep dog. "Babe" is a touching tale with a timeless moral. Whether you're a human, a pig or a yak, you can herd sheep or be anyone you want to be. Pay no attention to stupid motivational bird movies like "Jonathan Livingston Seagull". "Babe" will get the job done and let your kids know that they can herd sheep better than any dog if they put their minds to it. Then, when they're 18, you can ship them off to the Navajo reservation if they haven't found jobs yet. 

"Road to Morocco".

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Bing Crosby and Bob Hope were movie stars in 1942 when this classic talking animial movie was made. The two play Jeff Peters and Turkey Jackson, two slapstick hooligans who get shipwrecked on a raft and end up in an Arabian city after hopping on a camel. While this movie is not about talking animals, it is one of the first to include them. The camel earns his 15 minutes of fame when he comments on how stupid the movie is. 

"Charlotte's Web".

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Remember the 1973 animated movie about "Zuckerman's famous pig" that was based on E.B. White's novel? Director Gary Winick remade the whole story into a live action feature in 2006. Wilbur the talking pig teams up with a talking spider named Charlotte who helps him avoid becoming dinner. Charlotte weaves messages into her web that praise the pig, and the humans consider this a miracle. This mammal and insect team are joined on the farm by Bitsy the cow, Sam the sheep, Ike the horse and even a flock of sheep. "Charlotte's Web" is a pioneer of a recent stupid trend of taking perfectly good old movies and ruining them with new versions. This one didn't totally ruin the story, however, and would at least get the hunky-dory rating if this was a review

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