5 Movie Mermaids That Were In No Way Friendly

Thursday, August 30 by Frost

Mermaids

You have to consider that a creature that spends the majority of its time in the ocean developed some serious skills to deal with aggressive sharks and overly amorous porpoises, so why assume that all half-woman fishies are going to be nice and cuddly? One Disney movie does not a monster unmake as you will see in these 5 movie mermaids that were in no way friendly or pleasantly scented.

 

The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid

Ariel left her overworked, single parenting father and all her friends back in the ocean just for some human guy, completing ignoring the old sea adage of “gills before thrills” so she could serve her needs first. In “The Little Mermaid”, Ariel metes out some serious emotional destruction all around her, and don’t forget what she did to that poor old hermit woman who was clearly just trying to get by as a tentacled person in a flipper world, as she decides to try landlubber life on a whim and some high hormonal levels. Just watch her try to manipulate the Prince, and weasel out of her contract with Ursula in “The Little Mermaid,” by using her little minions to manufacture a romantic environment in the “Kiss the Girl” scene.

 

Miranda

Miranda

Man goes on vacation without wife, mermaid nearly drowns man but man claims he “fell,” mermaid convinces man to bring her home to the missus, chaos and dark stares ensue. “Miranda” is a film about a mermaid who isn’t content with the ocean, you know that thing covering seventy percent of the earth’s surface? But she wants to go to good old dry London to expand her insidious interests. Check out the evil wink Miranda gives the doctor’s friend as the doctor carries her to her room that transforms a kind act into a nefarious, adulterous one.

 

Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid

Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid

Bringing to life that magical time of leering, smoking and just the right hint of misogyny, “Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid” pushes the 1940's into your face until you stink of nicotine, gin, and have the urge to burst into song every ten minutes. Peabody and his wife have their flaws, it’s not until Peabody catches a mermaid while out fishing that evil truly enters their lives. Watch the mermaid use her seductive wiles as she mutely convinces Peabody not to toss her into an aquarium, as per his wife’s wishes, and you’ll stare into the face of true evil.

 

Night Tide

Night Tide

A mermaid who works the freak attraction show believes that the full moon pressures her to kill, full moon werewolf style, all while a young Dennis Hopper tries to save her from herself. No matter how desperate you are to save a loved one from your curse, cutting the oxygen feed to them while they’re underwater is still the act of a cruel person. Add in the fact that you’re convinced you’re a mermaid and Mora’s little “save you from me” act is a serious jerk move that was definitely unfriendly and potentially fatal. No mermaid movie will ever be able to match the glory and subtlety of the scene in “Night Tide” where the couple is setting a date to go diving as the camera leaves them to go push in on the wall calendar that conveniently tracks moon cycles.

 

Mad About Men

Mad About Men

Like bad seafood, Miranda returns to cruelly play with human lives again in “Mad About Men”. Miranda swaps places with Caroline, a relative who looks like her twin, and then becomes a one mermaid wrecking ball on Caroline’s current romantic relationship. Not much could be worse than a visual clone running rampant through your life and Miranda lives up to her previous evil as she introduces one of the objects of her flirtation, Barclay, to her fiancé, Ronald, while nestled in Barclay’s lap.