5 Memorable TV Drug Dealers
As Mr. Mackey of South Park Elementary School would say, “Drugs are bad, mmmkay.” But there’s nothing wrong with getting your fix of cocaine, smack and marijuana through the mystical magic of television! The rule of thumb in TV Land is that every great drug-related storyline is led or supported by a very distinct and memorable character: the TV drug dealer. If you’re looking for good entertainment that defies the laws of reality without sending you to rehab, check out a few of these programs featuring five of the most memorable TV drug dealers.
Stringer Bell, "The Wire". You have to admire a man with ambition. Stringer Bell on “The Wire” is a far cry from the stereotypical “Boys in Da’ Hood” thug-like TV drug dealers that we see these days. This guy is so motivated to succeed, it’s hard to look at him as a villain. Bell goes to community business college to perfect his drug dealing skills and could stand up to Trump in a full season of “The Apprentice”. His kind of thinking could really give the economy a boost in the worst way. Thank you, Stringer Bell, for being an inspiration to American drug dealers everywhere.
Escobar Gallardo, "Nip Tuck". Escobar Gallardo helped make the hit series “Nip Tuck” a raging success from the very first season. There’s no way in hell any "Nip Tuck" fan could forget Escobar. He was so much more than just a drug dealer. He was a heartless, tattooed, maniacal parasite, a drug-muling smuggler of illegal aliens that held the fate of Troy and McNamara under his thumb for four whole seasons. Think hot, illegal Latino alien chicks with breast implants full of heroin. What ingenuity!
Walter White, "Breaking Bad". You can’t even love to hate Walter White, a high school chemistry teacher making meth amphetamines to support his cancer treatment, pregnant wife and handicapped teen son. You gotta love this guy, even when he’s brutally murdering rival drug dealers, blowing up gang dens and eluding his DEA agent brother-in-law. Mad props to Walter for taking his former failed student, Jesse, under his wing and encouraging him to pursue a career in “science”. It’s great to see teachers getting involved.
Nancy Botwin, "Weeds". Two words: MILF weed. Nancy Botwin is a widowed upper-middle class white suburban mother peddling grass to support her family after the sudden death of her husband leaves her to raise two boys on her own. At first, she takes a responsible approach to drug dealing and doesn’t deal to kids. By the end of the second season, Nancy sets her entire neighborhood ablaze, marries a DEA agent, gets him killed, gets knocked up by the drug dealing mayor of Tijuana and lets her teenage sons in on the business. Miraculously, she still finds time for PTA and Neighborhood Association meetings and to smoke with Snoop Dog, inspiring him to free-style the hit single “MILF Weed” to pay Miss Nancy her props! Now that’s what you call time management!
Marcus Alvarez, "Sons Of Anarchy". Speaking of family businesses, who could ever forget Marcus Alvarez on "Sons Of Anarchy"? This dude is so ruthless, he personally assassinated his own son (in a playground in broad daylight) just for bungling a drug-deal-gone-bad assassination hit on another gang. This Latin bulldog of a man leads his MC, The Mayans, in controlling the entire drug organization of Charming (and its surrounding, but less talked about areas) and squeezing arsenals of firearms out of our beloved Sons by any means possible. Business deals, threats, extortion: you know, the usual. At the end of the day, no matter how many guns are drawn, throats are cut, or cocaine, heroin and prostitute deals are reneged on, Alvarez always manages to come to a compromise and find a way to be true to the Sons. What a pal!