Some kids thought aliens abducted them, other kids thought Sasquatch lived under their bed, but not you. Your faith was in a dinosaur with a potential Scottish accent. To help you feel better about yourself and to mock those kids who never had an imagination worth anything here are 5 Loch Ness monster movies believers wish were documentaries, or at least a little less silly.


Beneath Loch Ness

A team of researchers goes looking for the Loch Ness monster with cheesily fatal results. A monster believer would have to wish that “Beneath Loch Ness” was a real documentary not just for the newfound ability to justify avoiding romantic entanglements and countless SyFy forum posts but to be able to protect humanity from the awful over and underacting by getting to explain it away as real people, non-actors who shouldn’t be expected to have any talent for the theater. The other, almost as good, reason would be that the Loch Ness monster envisioned here doesn’t want to get petted or hide from the world, it wants to fatally mess some tiny humans up, which seems spot on for a dinosaur. Nessie decides to show the new age candle worshippers what’s up in a scene that should always bring a smile to your face.

The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep”.

A Young boy and baby sea monster go up against adult plans to protect Scotland from the Axis forces during World War II. Although a Nazi sea monster might be interesting, in “The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep” the boy is just trying to keep Nessie safe from the British artillery being utilized as defenses for the area. As the two fishermen do their comedic routine when exposed to Nessie, you’ll realize this would be a fun movie to have come alive.

Beyond Loch Ness

With gorgeous amounts of cheesiness, stranded teenagers, a vengeful survivor, and a Loch Ness monster that wants to breed and eat like you’d imagine a normal dinosaur would want to this film loads up on everything a believer would want to have as a documentary. “Beyond Loch Ness” showcases the grudge a young man has after his father and crew get killed for messing with the monster’s egg back in Scotland who then chases the monster to a fantasy version of Lake Superior in the hopes of exacting bloody payback. Caroleena’s death scene by a sneaky Nessie is the epitome of family-size cheesy fun and should be enjoyed multiple times.

Scooby Doo and the Loch Ness Monster

Daphne brings the gang to Scotland to see some Highland games and mysteries ensue. It’s highly probable that Shaggy will get arrested and then be passed around prison as a human-sized “Scooby Snack” but isn’t having a real life Scooby Doo worth that risk? If “Scooby Doo and the Loch Ness Monster” was a documentary not only would believers get to see numerous fakes and then the real monster but they’d get a talking, functional junkie of a dog thrown in as a bonus. Old or young, seeing Scooby and Shaggy as chimney sweeps as they try to stop a rampaging Nessie will bring out the smiles.

Loch Ness

Beginning with the ritualized cult murder of Professor Abernathy, no no wait, the professor actually slipped and fell while taking a picture of the Loch Ness monster, “Loch Ness” sets the stage for a researcher who aims to take back his lost dignity by proving the sea creature doesn’t exist. It’s a cute family movie that has a sea monster that isn’t all about eating people but doesn’t seem to mind knocking them into the freezing water if necessary. “Loch Ness” mixes things up by adding a monster into the strange genre of movies where American heroes get treated like jackasses by the mean natives, particularly showcased in Dempsey’s confrontation with the water baliff in the bar.