5 Hilarious Classic TV Commercials From The ’70s

Friday, January 27 by Houlihan Macaco

milky the milking cow toy 1970s.jpg

The '70s were akin to that 6 a.m. moment when you notice you're starting to come down from an acid trip. The mesmerizing cartoons and classic TV commercials from the era are evidence of this. Pop a tab of White Lightning, kick back for a few hours, then watch these hilarious snapshots of classic Americana. 

Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow.

The "Kenner" company outdid itself in 1977 with a short lived cow doll that squirts real fake milk. The commercial opens with a stupid jingle song and concludes with a little girl saying, "She drinks water and gives pretend milk." What the commercial does not tell parents is that they must keep running to the toy store to buy replacement "pretend milk" tablets. The good news is that millions of little tykes got sick of Milky by the time the first batch of tablets ran out.

Wagon Wheel commercial.

Does "I hanker for a hunk of cheese" ring a bell? "ABC" released a series of '70s commercials featuring a disturbing creature named Timer who encouraged Saturday morning cartoon watchers to make questionable dietary decisions. In this commercial, Timer introduces impressionable young minds to the wagon wheel-a breadless sandwich composed of a hunk of cheese and two round crackers. Instead of eating it, Timer tosses it across the room.

Psychedelic Levi's commercial.

Levi's did have a brief phase in the '70s when they seemed to have turned on and tuned in to a brave new world of animated absurdity. A story teller shares a tale about a  messianic figure with colorful pants who enters the neighborhood of primarily colorless jeans. The man's big stoic statement to the gawking masses is, "I'm wearing Levi's. Dull has gone out of style." The narrator describes the event as "magic". The mysterious stranger magically changes everyone's pants and tells his new disciples that he must go on to other towns and do the same.

Tin Man Heart commercial.

Here's a classic animated musical commercial featuring Tin Woodman from "The Wizard of Oz". The American Heart Association PSA encourages us to be kind to our hearts. Singing trees and woodland creatures ask him what he wants a heart for and what he'd do with it. Mr. Woodman explains all the wonderful things he would do to keep that heart thumping.

Sea Monkeys commercial with Dead Eye Dan.

Dead Eye Dan is an ape who comes to town after hearing that Sea Monkeys have arrived. He faces rejection at the end of the commercial, when the narrator tells him, "Now Dan, there's only room enough in this town for one kind of monkeys—and that's Sea Monkeys—so you'd better head on out."