5 Family Movies That Are So Bad You’ll Wish Your Family Was Dead

Tuesday, January 3 by Stu Moody

3 Ninjas: High Noon At Mega Mountain.”

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If you’re banking on Hulk Hogan to carry your movie to respectable levels, maybe you ought to check out “Suburban Commando” before you give him a call. The first “3 Ninjas” movie was passable kid’s fare. Not good, but not epically bad. The sequel was subject to the law of diminishing returns, and the franchise should have died quietly with it. But no, movie execs are evil, and they want to you to wish that your family was dead, so they unleashed a family film boot to the stomach with this flick.

“The Cat in the Hat.”

The Cat in the Hat dakota fanning mike myers.jpg

You had to know this one was coming. Once upon time, this was a beloved children’s story. Then Hollywood got their diseased paws on it, and they turned it into to something…foul. Something evil. This movie has a black soul, and it seeks to destroy you. If you are somehow forced to watch this movie, turn away and cover your ears unless you want its black magic to corrupt you and forced you to murder family, a la “The Shining.”