At times it’s nice when the villain is omnipresent and not some basement dweller that fondles his mustache while he waits for you to find him. In these five disasterporn movies like “2012,” nature and society get tweaked and come looking for payback on a global scale.
Like a parent playing tag with a child, the lava of “Dante’s Peak” shouts “I’m gonna get you, I’m gonna get you” as it makes half-hearted attempts to gobble up any actor that gets too close. Getting threatened by a geological feature is always going to be sweet, sweet disasterporn but throw in a ton of explosives as the best solution to the lava problem in “Volcano” and you’ll be grinning from the pain of the story as it mixes with the eye pleasing boom booms. Make sure to watch when the little boy has to identify his mom from a crowd of ash covered people for the most out of place statement on equality, that’s a disaster in its own right, as you’ll need to laugh at the goofiness.
“The Day After Tomorrow”
With effects that aren’t the actual disaster, “The Day After Tomorrow” does a great job in selling the catastrophes that would occur following the advent of a new ice age. Told from the perspective of three family members in various locations, this disasterporn blends a decent story with great CGI to make some movie magic as everyone’s survival instincts square off against Mother Nature. Impending doom pervades as you watch the tsunami start rolling in just outside New York City, creating a scene of tasty dread.
“28 Days Later”
Showing why you only free monkey test subjects from evil cosmetics and jacket companies and not evil government labs, “28 Days Later” is the perfect disasterporn flick as it gets rid of a fair amount of the population with a zombie causing virus, as well as taking place on an island. The feeling of isolation, even when Jim finds allies, permeates the story as threats lurk everywhere in this new world. Selena takes out Mark after his infection with the exact calculating response you’d expect from a survivor of this newly ravaged land, making a scene that stands out as realistic
The general plant population decides to cull the human population after growing tired of vegan buffets and patchouli covered hippies giving them hugs and stupid names like “my green big brother” and “sunbeam.” Strangely the plant world doesn’t just turn generally toxic or fatal to mankind but instead releases a neurotoxin that turns people into suicidal maniacs, which presents the goofiest disasterporn situations ever. You might be cheerleading for the plants to win if you make it through more than half of the film, but no matter the side you pick make sure to watch for the death by lawnmower scene, as it won’t be easily forgotten.
One giant beast and its tiny friends decide to have a picnic on planet Earth, which greatly messes with the plans of a group of friends in “Cloverfield.” Not content to believe in your power to suspend disbelief, “Cloverfield” utilizes the handheld shaky cam style to let you share the pain of the victims in that world through the terrible headache it will give you. With guns, explosions and a giant monster hate-screwing New York City, this film is the earth-destroying flick you’ve been waiting for all your life, but only if you aren’t prone to becoming seasick. Ignoring the time-tested, mother approved survival tip that any time the local fauna is making a break for it in one direction, you should do your best to keep up, the group watches the rats in the subway beat feet and then get kapounded on by a wee alien beastie in a head-shaking worthy KO.