5 Couples We’d Like To See On ‘Celebrity Wife Swap’

Wednesday, September 21 by
"What you mean you don't got ultralounges in Downer's Grove?" 

ABC has decided that the next installment of Wife Swap should switch out the husbands and wives of celebrities to see how the likes of, uh, Gary Busey and Ted Haggard will fare.

Ted Haggard made a delightful name for himself as a hypocrite a few years back when, as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, he had an affair with a male prostitute and did a bunch of crystal meth.

YOU’RE MY BOY, TED!

Gary Busey, of course, is a clinically insane person who used to be an actor but now just scares people with his teeth.

While these are two rather inspired choices, we would like to see the producers spread their wings and put up some other celebrities that will add an unpredictable element to the reality television show. Here are five such couples that would make Celebrity Wife Swap appointment television.

5. Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox

Little did BAG know, Megan Fox has been playing her own game of Wife Swap for a while, most recently with Transformers costar Shia LaBeouf. I would like to see this couple on the swapping block if only to see the look of unmitigate glee when the other party’s husband (in my mind it’s Morgan Freeman) finds out that he’s getting Megan Fox for the experiment.

I mean, they say there’s no f*cking the other guy’s wife or husband in Wife Swap, but come on. ABC reality producers aren’t going to keep me from banging MY WIFE. Hell, the National Guard isn’t going to keep me from banging Megan Fox if she was my wife.

Ugh. Did that come across as rapey? I feel like that came across as rapey.

4. Chris “Mad Dog” Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow

These two are just annoying people. The wife would wake up to Chris Martin just staring at her, sipping some sort of herbal tea he came across in Sri Lanka.

“I wrote you a song about a rainbow!”

Meanwhile, Gwyneth would channel her GOOP darkside, filling the children’s brown paper lunch bags with vegan paella and telling the kids they don’t get to practice tai chi until after they meditate.

Cut back to Chris, who wants to call the whole thing off because he’s convinced that the new family’s dog stole his favorite scarf. To make matters worse, Gwyneth sends him a letter saying that she won’t be returning to her original family, and that he can keep Moses and Apple because those are stupid names for children and she is going to kick it with her new adopted children Cody, Madison, and Kevin.

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