5 Celebrities Who Were Targeted By Islamic Extremists (Besides David Letterman)

Wednesday, August 17 by
Trey Parker and Matt Stone 

When I first read the news that David Letterman was being targeted by Islamic Jihadists, I thought I must have been reading the satirical website, CelebJihad (NSFW). But sadly, the story was all too real. Apparently, the late-night talk-show host angered an Al-Qaeda affiliated website by mocking the death of reputed terrorist Ilyas Kashmiri. Granted, an “online jihadist” calling for Dave’s death probably means about as much as me calling for Scarlett Johansson to do a topless scene, but experts are still worried. And while Letterman himself is probably worried as well, at least he can take solace in the fact that he is in good company. Here are five other celebrities who have been targeted by Islamic extremists.

(Check Out The Top Ten Reasons Islamic Extremists Want David Letterman Dead)

Russell Crowe

According to the FBI, Russell Crowe was the victim of a 2001 kidnapping plot by Al-Qaeda, which was part of a larger plan to “culturally destabilize” the United States. I’m not sure how kidnapping a bunch of actors, especially those from New Zealand, would damage the U.S., but I will say I like the plan a lot better than the one they went with: hijacking planes and flying them into buildings. For a while, Crowe received protection from Secret Service agents, although they were tight lipped about the exact nature of the threat. According to an interview with GQ, Crowe says he “never fully understood what in the f*ck was going on.”

Madonna

If there’s one thing Islamic extremists hate, it’s promiscuous women. And if there’s one thing Madonna loves, it’s being a promiscuous woman. Throw in her midlife conversion to a bizarre Jewish sect known as Kabbalah, and it was only a matter of time before trouble reared its ugly head. In 2009, the singer was forced to add on extra security after a Palestinian militant group threatened to cut off her head because she spreads “satanic culture against Islam.” In all fairness, I wanted to cut her head off after that American Pie cover, but I wasn’t stupid enough to say it in a public forum.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone

As their new Broadway Musical The Book of Mormon clearly demonstrates, Trey Parker and Matt Stone are no strangers to ridiculing religion. But outside of the occasional protest or boycott, the pair never ran into any real trouble, at least not until they picked on Islam. After an episode of South Park in which the Prophet Muhammad was thought to have been depicted wearing a bear suit, an American convert to Islam named Abu Talhah al Amrikee (a.k.a. Zachar Chesser) issued a warning stating that Stone and Parker “will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh.” Luckily, Chesser is currently serving 25 to life, in part, for making threats to Stone and Parker. Speaking of Theo Van Gogh…

Theo van Gogh

Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh was related to the famous artist, Vincent van Gogh. And while Vincent is famous for having his ear cut off, poor Theo is famous for having his head cut off. After angering Islamic extremists with his film Submission, van Gogh received several death threats, but refused to take on extra security measures. Bad move. In 2004, a lovely young man named Mohammed Bouyeri shot van Gogh several times, before attempting to cut off his head with a knife. The killer was later linked to an Islamic Extremist group known as the Hofstad Network.