5 Careers Taylor Lautner Should Pursue Besides Acting

Thursday, September 22 by

Personal Trainer

I would be the black guy in this picture. Taylor would be the other one.

Again, I know next to nothing about this guy, but I’m comfortable going out on a limb and saying that he would be THE GREATEST PERSONAL TRAINER IN THE WORLD.

If Lautner was standing over me, all, “Give me six more jackknife sit-ups then we take five at the juicebar for a wheatgrass and a Muscle Milk,” I’d be all, “YOU GOT IT TL! ARGH!!!!” When I finished, he’d then give me a high five and be all, “Nice set, Penn.”

Also, while I was doing cardio, he would tell me about his crazy night out, and you know that shit would be dope.

Sometimes we’d meet for beers on our own time.

Hydrologist

I have recently learned (like two minutes ago, through a Google search) that a hydrologist studies bodies of water and rain. I don’t know if they spend more time in the lab or in the field, but I think Lautner would definitely be a field guy. I could just see him leading a crack team of hydrological engineers, possibly examining a faulty dam in Nevada, screaming as he gets douched with water, “We’ve gotta do triage on these cracks, there isn’t enough time to treat them all!” (He would have come from a background in civil engineering, so he would be able to address problems in the dam itself as well.)

When someone tells him that the crack is underwater and can’t be reached without a submersible that’s not due to arrive for like 20 more minutes, he’d shove the person out of the way and point to the valley and say something like, “Those orphans? Down there? They don’t have 20 minutes! They don’t have 2 minutes!”

He would then rip off his badge that says “hydrological engineer” in a symbolic gesture, and put a flashlight in his teeth as he swan-dove into the water to seal the crack.

That would actually make a pretty good movie.

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