“Miracle on 34th Street”
If you’re an adult in the 21st century, chances are you felt cheated by the 1994 remake of this beloved classic. Someone, somewhere saw Richard Attenborough in “Jurassic Park” and thought his character, money hungry douche bag John Hammond, would make an excellent Santa Claus while also deciding to completely rewrite one of the best endings in Christmas movie history. A holiday staple, the 1947 original starred the great Edmund Gwenn as a lovable old man who just might be the real Santa Claus. The film is a genuine classic in every sense of the word and even starred a very young Natalie Wood as six-year-old Susan, a girl who doesn’t believe in Santa until Gwenn restores her faith. For some reason, the fact that the film won a number of Academy Awards means jack shit as it’s been remade too many times to count. Actress Maureen O’Hara, who played the lead of Doris Walker in the original, has even laughed about the fact that every remake of this standard has completely bombed.
“The Preacher’s Wife”
Niven and Cary Grant in roles that were taken over, half-heartedly, by Courtney B. Vance and Denzel Washington for the remake. Sappy and melodramatic, the film is full of scenes that only serve to set up another gospel song for Houston, while laden with flat performances so bad they even make Denzel Washington look like a drama school dropout.