21 Hottest TV and Movie MILFs Of All Time

Friday, May 6 by
 

It’s Mother’s Day again, the one day out of the year when you stop and say thank you to the woman who had sex with a stranger on a pool table, thereby bringing you into this world. And what would this special occasion be without a list that objectifies fictional mothers from both film and television? I’ll tell you what it’d be: a horrible waste of everyone’s time! Well, we’re not about to let that happen. In honor of women everywhere who managed to get themselves knocked up, we present the 21 hottest TV and movie MILFs of all time. Happy Mother’s Day!

Stacy Edwards as Evan’s Mom – Superbad (2007)

Evan’s mom isn’t on screen for very long, but the character serves two important functions. First of all, she allows the audience to see what a pervert Seth is. Second, she allows us to see her cleavage.

Jane Seymour as Kathleen Cleary – Wedding Crashers (2005)

Jane Seymour is best known as Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman. At least she was, until she played a horney, psychotic MILF in Wedding Crashers. I have to say, the second role was a vast improvement.

Mary Tyler Moore as Laura Petrie – “The Dick Van Dyke Show” (1961)

People remember Mary Tyler Moore for her own show. But sometimes, people forget she started out with Dick Van Dyke. They also forget that she was one hot mom, back in the day. By back in the day, I mean a simpler time, when randomly breaking out into a song about Cleopatra during a house party was socially acceptable.

Emilie de Ravin as Claire Littleton – “Lost” (2004)

How hot was the character of Claire Littleton on “Lost?” Let’s just say that even at nine months pregnant, she still looked better than any woman you’ll ever sleep with. Or men, for that matter.

Eva Longoria as Gabrielle Solis – “Desperate Housewives” (2004)

The only thing desperate about this house wife was my plan to win over the actress who plays her (Eva Longoria) by slowly and methodically killing her house pets. For the record, it didn’t work. But in the greater scheme of things, it didn’t really hurt, either.

Lea Thompson as Lorraine Baines McFly – Back to the Future (1985)

With the possible exception of the Virgin Mary, every mother on earth has banged a dude at least once. We’d all like to believe that in the case of our own mothers, it was a one-time occurrence. But Lorraine Baines McFly from Back to the Future makes us face up to the face that at some point, all of our moms were probably filthy sex-crazed skanks.

Angelina Jolie as Grendel’s Mother – Beowulf (2007)

Angelina Jolie would probably rank higher on this list if Grendel’s Mother’s wasn’t a monster spawnin devil woman. But she is, so let’s leave it at that.

Jennifer Coolidge as Stifler’s Mom- American Pie (1999)


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I high school, what would have been better than banging your enemy’s mom? Well, for me, banging anyone would have been fine. However Paul Finch from “American Pie” was able to live the enemy’s mom banging fantasy, thanks to the help of Stifler’s mom.

Florence Henderson as Carol Brady – “The Brady Bunch” (1969)

Admit it! You know you wanted to bone Mrs. Brady! After all, who didn’t? Well, the guy who played Mr. Brady, for starters. But I digress.

Diane Lane as Connie Sumner – Unfaithful

Connie Sumner is the perfect mom, except for the fact that she bangs dirty foreigners she meets in the street. But other than that, she’s cool.

Beverly D’angelo as Ellen Griswold – National Lampoon’s Vacation

Ellen Griswold has a rack that won’t quit. I don’t even know what that means, but I’ve always wanted to type it. Anyway, how she ended up with a clod like Clark is beyond me. Good for Sparky.

Amy Stock-Poynton as Missy Preston – Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

As Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure taught us, if your dad is going to remarry, hopefully it’s with an ugly woman close to his age. Otherwise, you’re bound to have some confusing feelings.

Jaime Pressly as Joy Turner – “My Name Is Earl” (2005)

Joy Turner is suppose to be pure-white trash. Obviously the writers of this show didn’t have a clue. If they had been going for realism, they would have given her meth-stained teeth and stretch marks. Then again, unlike Jaime Pressly’s hot body, realism is overrated.

Maria Bello as Edie Stall – A History of Violence

The cheerleader scene in A History of Violence is one of the hottest in film history. It’s far superior to the stair-way pseudo-rape scene that occurs later in the film, unless of course you’re into that sort of thing, which, as you can see from my numerous acquittals I am not.

Halle Berry as Leticia Musgrove – Monster’s Ball

Halle Berry plays a mom in this film. At least that’s what it said in Wikipedia when I looked it up. All I remember is that bastard Billy Bob Thornton humping away on her like she was the couch in my mom’s basement. I’m sorry we couldn’t show you the video, but I did find this clip on YouTube that actually shows breasts, which is like winning the lottery. Enjoy.

January Jones as Betty Draper -”Mad Men” (2007)

Mad Men‘s” Betty Draper makes me long for the 1950′s, a simpler time when TV’s were shitty and didn’t feature a constant HD barrage of hot actresses like January Jones paraded in front of your face making your girlfriend look obese.

Natalie Portman as Padmé – Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

Technically, Padmé isn’t a MILF when she shows some skin in AOTC. But if you’re really going to quibble that point, there’s a reason you’re still a virgin, ya nerf herder.

Julie Benz as Rita Bennett -”Dexter” (2006)

As the clip above demonstrates, Rita Bennett was one sexy mom. I used to fantasize about taking a bath with her. Unfortunately, that fantasy was ruined in the forth season.

Mary-Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin -”Weeds” (2005)

Not only is Nancy Botwin hot, but she’ll also get you high. If there was ever a reason to date a woman with kids, that’s the one.

Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson – The Graduate (1967)

Mrs. Robinson from the graduate is the Mother of all movie MILF’s. In fact, she’s so legendary, somebody should really write a song about her.

Sofia Vergara as Gloria Pritchett -”Modern Family” (2009)

Sofia Vergara is on a relatively new show, so I can see why some would argue that “Gloria Pritchett” doesn’t belong in the number one spot. Even so, look at her cleavage. It’s timeless.

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COMMENTS

  1. May 6, 2011 12:01 am

    A2fan

    I guess the author didn’t know that the guy that played Mr. Brady (Robert Reed) was gay. Sooo… he wouldn’t have wanted to bone Florence Henderson.


  2. May 6, 2011 12:01 am

    Anonymous

    I guess A2Fan can’t read.


  3. May 6, 2011 12:01 am

    Anonymous

    mary tyler moore was hot


  4. May 6, 2011 12:01 am

    Anonymous

    Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy on modern family definitely deserves a spot up there.