The summer blockbuster season is nearly upon us, which means there will soon be a whole new crop of movie tie-ins lining the shelves of toy stores. Which also means there will be a whole new crop of wackass bootleg knock-offs lining the shelves of dollar stores and blankets of subway platforms.

If they're nearly as hilarious as these examples that preceded them, we're all in for a treat. Can't wait to get my complete set of The Avenge Team.


Three blockbuster films under his belt have proved too stressful for Toy Story's Woody.The spoils of fame have gone to his head and hurled him into a downward spiral of drugs, alcohol, and sex addicition. It's sad to see him ride the snake in his boot but even the brightest of stars sometimes burn out. If I were selling this toy, I'd market it as "Florida Cowboy."

Titanic Bot

When selling toys to children, it's perhaps best not to focus on maritime disasters that claimed the lives of their ancestors. I always thought that Pearl Harbor was Michael Bay's version ofTitanic. I stand corrected.


Where does he get all those terrible toys?


I don't know who should be suing in this instance. Either Marvel or James Spader should both call their lawyers just to be safe.

Space of the Apes

We laugh, but had the franchise been allowed to continue there probably would have been a chapter titled, 'Space of the Apes'.


Justice has a new name. That name is Robert. Or Bob or Bobby depending on your acquaintanceship.


If you've ever wanted to ride the monstrous progeny of Pikachu and Charlene Yi, now you can. I recommend spritzing it with a little Spray Nine first.

Nightmare Feddy

Are you ready for Feddy?

Rabid Mickey

I have no idea where this came from. Was there a cartoon where Mickey gets infected with the rage virus from 28 Days Later? Forgive my ignorance but I haven't watched the Disney Channel for years.

Tickle Elmo

How I long for those bygone days when Elmo's infections spread across the country. Seemed like much more innocent times. Don't you agree?

Captain Mexico

Mexico's take on Captain America seems a lot less serious than the original. To me this doesn't convey a steel-jawed embodiment of truth, justice, and the 'Murican way. Instead of conveys a guy you might see dancing in the stands at a soccer game.

Batman & Robin

With George Burns as Robin.