11 Movie Mutants That You Wouldn’t Sit Next to on A Plane

Saturday, December 3 by Jeff Keleher

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There really isn’t a good time to be in the company of mutants. They generally smell rancid, have erratic, furious tempers, and may or may not have a taste for human flesh. These characteristics would be unpleasant to deal with in the best situation. But if you're stuck with one in a 200-foot-long metal tube, precariously soaring through the sky at 30,000 feet, well, you’ve got yourself a recipe for big time trouble. Here are the eleven worst film mutants to be stuck sitting next to on a plane.

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Emil Antonowsky, "Robocop." A lumbering, gooey mess of what used to be a human being, Emil would get on one’s nerves fast, shuffling through the aisles, wheezing and pleading everyone to alleviate his deplorable condition. Who needs that kind of grief?

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Pluto, "The Hills Have Eyes." Initially, this guy would just be uncomfortable to be around. Kind of tough to look at, but bearable. That is, until he started raping and killing everybody. At that point things are going to get very weird very quickly.

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The Noxious Offender, "Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV." At first blush, the Toxic Avenger is an appalling, grotesque sight, but he is actually quite an affable fellow. His evil doppelganger from an alternate universe, the Noxious Offender, however, has the awful temperament and character to match his disgusting visage. Bad to the bone and harboring dreams of establishing a Neo-Nazi government, the Noxious Offender would make a terrible co-passenger if for no other reason than you would have to listen to his racist babbling for an entire transcontinental flight.

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The Blob, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." This guy ought to necessitate an entire aisle all to himself, but some poor sap is inevitably going to wind up crammed next to the window with the Blob’s expanding blubber slowly suffocating him.

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Abobo, "Double Dragon." Most of this list is populated by creatures who would like to pummel, eat or violate you. Not Abobo. His sin is his ceaseless self-pitying. He’s not the worst guy on this list, but it would be a bit much to spend an entire flight next to this blubbering sad sack.

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Mutant Baby, "It’s Alive." Look, everyone hates sitting next to a baby on a flight. Agreed? They cry incessantly and poop without any regard for situation or circumstance. Well, this one also has fangs and claws and kills people. It probably also poops and cries a lot.

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Swamp Thing, "Swamp Thing." Asmittedly, Swamp Thing is probably a nice, but misunderstood guy. But he smells like a rank swamp. You can't sit here Swamp Thing.

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Mary, the Three-Breasted, Martian Prostitute, "Total Recall." Oh, sure, this one sounds great at first. However, she’s got to be infested with venereal diseases, Martian venereal diseases, mind you. Are they treatable? Are Earth-made condoms effective? Does she accept terrestrial currency? These are not the thoughts you want racing through your head when seducing a women mid-flight.  Better to just let this one get away.

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	<strong>Brundlefly, "The Fly." </strong>An arm-snapping, acid-vomiting, homicidal human-fly hybrid? No thanks.</p>
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C.H.U.D., "C.H.U.D." C.H.U.D., if you were not aware, stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller. So, he smells like a sewer and eats people. Again, no thanks.

tokka rahzar

Tokka and Rahzar, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze." Created to destroy the Shredder’s arch nemeses, this mutant wolf and snapping turtle tag-team has the combined I.Q. of a bowl of mashed potatoes. It was never covered in the film, but there’s no way these two are house trained, and my guess is their excrement is unfathomably gigantic. Also, wherever these guys are, a Vanilla Ice soundtrack can’t be too far away. So what’s worse? Being stuck on an airplane with homicidal mutants? Or listening to a parachute pants-clad, white rapper with a chip on his shoulder?