10 Characters Deserving Of Student Loan Debt Forgiveness

Monday, October 31 by

Bluto – Animal House

Bluto enjoyed his college independence a little bit too much, effectively killing every brain-cell needed for normal human interaction. He’s likely to have a tough time in the job market. He’ll have more to worry about than double secret probation. However, what he lacks in cognitive problem-solving is made up for by what he has in status. The man is a fraternity legend. One of his better of brothers must be able to help him with an easy paycheck. Otherwise, it’s a lifetime of struggling with loan bills while cleaning those sh*tters next to the toll booths for a living.

Frank the Tank – Old School

Frank has shown in the past that he’s able to clean up his act up pretty well. However, he needs order and discipline to do this. If he doesn’t partner up with a strong woman, he’s going to have a tough time with his personal demons. Mired by addiction, he’d certainly have trouble keeping a roof over his head. What the government needs to do is really step in here and order him to rehabilitate before he sees his debt cleared.

Julie James – I Know What You Did Last Summer

It’s difficult to study when you feel weighed down by the guilt of leaving a man for dead. Add to that the pressure of watching your friends gutted with a hook by a homicidal madman who has drawn you into a deadly game of cat and mouse. Walking around with that kind of grief can really mess you up. Julie will most likely need to pay for extra semesters. Plus, the burden of expensive therapy would all but break her bank even if she does become a lawyer like she had planned.

Van Wilder – Van Wilder

Van Wilder‘s preoccupation with his Big Man On Campus status cost him his education. True, he is charming and has nice abs. That should be enough to get him through the doors, but what is he going to do when it’s time to hand in his analysis of the Johnson account? It’s not like he can teach a dorky co-worker how to talk to girls in exchange for his work. Or can he…..

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