With the Super Bowl just a few days away, and the Pro Bowl behind us, we prepare for a teary goodbye to our NFL heroes. We’ll catch up with them, perhaps, in July at training camp. However, all is not lost. Should we get the itch to reach out, we can always enjoy our favorite former football stars in movie-actor form.
Are they the best actors in the world?
Yup! Without question, the following nine performances are, at the risk of oversimplifying… art. And it’s amazing that these artists can be so great on the gridiron, and also so impressive in front of a camera.
Yeah, we got Brain Bosworth on here.
In this 1994 film, Jim Carrey wasn’t the only breakout star. Dan Marino went from non-Super Bowl-winning Isotoner glove pitchman to non-Super Bowl-winning cameo-maker. It was a huge leap in his career, considering he retired without a Super Bowl victory to hang his hat on.
In the film, Dan Marino is memorable not just for his luscious curly hair, but his ability to point out Ray Finkle’s tucked dick, and holding his own against fellow thespian Tone Loc. No, not holding his penis against Tone. We meant holding his own in the acting department. Never mind.
After this extended cameo, I believe that Dan Marino should still rot in hell, but should probably die of something less painful than gonorrhea.
It’s a shame that this film came out over a decade before Brett Favre got caught taking pictures of his weenus whilst wearing Crocs, because if anyone could have had some fun with that, it would be the Farrelly brothers.
In the film, “Brett” is alluded to as Mary’s old boyfriend, but only in the last few minutes of the film do we realize that her ex is Packers QB Brett Favre. Brett makes an absolute meal out of the role, and he does it wearing jean, possibly Wrangler-brand, which leads me to believe that he didn’t just develop his great fashion sense late in his career.
Here, we see a DVD karaoke extra in which he gets tackled by Warren, which probably shaved a few years off of Favruh’s career.
Alex Karras was a Detroit Lion from 1958-62 and again from 1964-1970. He missed the 1963 season for “gambling activities,” which is almost as awesome as the fact that he played Emmanuel Lewis’ adoptive father, George Papadapolis, which is a very, very fun name to say. Try it.
There are probably a few clips more demonstrative than this opening titles sequence I chose to embed, but the shitty production value makes this one a delightful no-brainer. Besides, if you want to see what kind of actor Alex Karras is, just pause at the :17 mark, where we see him just OWNING the role of “important business man checking his watch because time is money.”