Pennywise

Easily one of the scariest evil clowns in fiction to this day, Pennywise wasn’t content to just kill children, he emanates fear and horror into others thereby stripping them of a normal life. Taking the horror up a notch, this clown also appeared as a giant spider that combined two phobias into one for the audience. Pennywise even affected the idea of drainage as many who have viewed the television movie It came to fear storm drains for a very long time if not still to this day. A clown that oozed menace and death with every word, Pennywise did more for clown loathing than any amount of balloon animals could wash away.

Captain Spaulding

Captain Spaulding smiling

Give Rob Zombie some serious dues as he created a clown and an environment in House of 1000 Corpses that feels real to anyone who has taken a long road trip through rural areas. Captain Spaulding takes any and all horrors as just another part of reality and then mixes in logic and a dark intelligence to the recipe of his personality. His delight in all atrocities magnifies the fear throughout the movie thus adding to the importance of his role.

Shakes the Clown

Shakes being restrained by clown

Bobcat Goldthwait is an alcoholic clown with serious depression in Shakes the Clown, and if that doesn’t terrify you then you have probably never needed a night light in your life. Sure he isn’t running around covered in blood, but a sad clown is twice as scary and evil as a happy clown. Add in a murder and the tribal mentality of performers like mimes and you have a movie that speaks of a hidden culture out beyond your door. The exact door you’re now thinking about buying new dead bolts for.

The Joker

The Joker holding the joker

A psychopath with a sense of humor, albeit a twisted sense of humor, just needs a clown visage to be truly terrifying and that’s what you get in The Dark Knight with the Joker. With a panache and talent for bloody mayhem that propels him into the category of  evil clowns, the Joker keeps his enemies and his allies on their toes as there is no understanding of what will set him off next. Heath Ledger took the Joker to new heights with his portrayal of the mania behind the unwavering smile and brought a new generation into the clown fearing fold.

Pogo the Clown

Pogo the Clown waving

With the large majority of evil clowns safely locked away behind the screen, Gacy shows that there’s plenty to fear from clowns in reality as well. A true beast in every sense of the world, Gacy’s penchant for performing as a clown makes for one of the scariest evil clowns that humanity has ever known. A solid lesson that it’s the man and not the makeup that hides the monster.

Cloverfield

Rob and Beth talking to the camcorder

A perfect blend of two parts monster madness and one part sappy romance, Cloverfield‘s plot revolves around a massive creature of unknown origin as it ravages downtown New York. Instead of evacuating, a young man goes to rescue an ex-girlfriend with the help of some friends. Being a hero at heart he goes back knowing full well the monster still lurks the area. A word of caution, the director went with the “shaky cam” style of filmmaking—one or both of you may end up puking, unless you have a stash of Dramamine on hand.

Alien

Alien stuck to crew member's face

A spacecraft lands on a distant, unexplored planet to answer a distress beacon after which an alien creature boards their ship. While some may consider this to be a little too “old-school”, it still delivers the chills even if you have already seen it a few times. The H.R. Giger-designed alien is frightening enough, but most of the scares are delivered through Ridley Scott‘s masterful use of mood and atmosphere. Even if it is the “oldest” film on this list, Alien set the bar so high when it was release in the late ’70s that horror flicks today, in all their CG glory, still struggle to match its quality.

28 Days Later

Zombie on fire chasing Cillian Murphy

Most think 28 Days Later is a zombie-type flick. The truth is, the “zombies” are actually still alive, having been transformed into monstrous, bloodthirsty savages by a strange virus. The creatures roam the streets of England hunting down the few survivors who remain in the country. 28 Days Later is so frightening and so disturbing that there is a strong possibility it will be you that ends up inching towards your girlfriend as you watch in fear.

The Mist

From the mind of Stephen King, The Mist features a plethora of monsters that all but guarantees to give you and your girlfriend some major goosebumps. A handful of civilians are trapped in a local grocery store as a strange mist engulfs their entire town. The mist not only clouds the area it covers, it is also home to an unknown number of fiendish monsters. You may have to watch this movie at least once before watching it with a lady friend just so you know what to expect. The last thing you want to do is scream like a little girl in front of her.

Dog Soldiers

Werewolf in the woods in Dog Soldier

Last but not least is the 2002 British release, Dog Soldiers. A squad of special forces are training in the Scottish Highlands when they find the remains of another group of soldiers who had trained in the area. The troops then go into battle mode only to find that their adversaries are not men but werewolves. The movie does start slow but by the 30 minute mark, you and your girlfriend will be clinging to each other in mutual fear…which will hopefully lead to some other mutual activities.