7 Worst Monsters in TV and Movie History

Friday, June 14 by Stu Moody

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Every good, believable hero needs a good, believable villain. Sometimes, the villains are normal people locked in a dramatic struggle with the hero. And sometimes the villain is an awful monster, a creature of unspeakable evil. But what happens when the monster totally sucks? What if the monster is lame and unbelievable, or annoying? Well, the answer is that you end up with something less than cinematic gold, as these Seven of the Worst Monsters in TV and Movie History will demonstrate.

 

1. " Cloverfield

It was a bug/fish/turtle/squid monster. Or something. "Cloverfield"never makes abundantly clear what exactly is ripping up New York. What you do get to see is confusing and unimpressive, so perhaps it's for the best that the movie took a "less is more" approach to the monster. Sadly, "less" was too much, actually.

 

2. "Child's Play"

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Dourif's voice work, but when you get down to it, a doll just isn't that cool. Sure, Chucky looks creepy, but how hard is it really to take care of a doll? Even a demon doll has to be easy to get rid of, and getting your ass kicked by a doll is beyond embarrassing.

 

3. "Nukie"

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In the wake of "E.T."'s monstrous success, other films tried to use the alien from outer space milieu as a vehicle for family movies. Nukie, the titular character from the movie, is not strictly a monster in the normal sense. In fact, Nukie is benevolent. But Nukie is so ugly, so incredibly annoying and so stupid that you can't help but wish him dead. And for that, he makes the "Worst Monster" list. He's just awful.

 

4. "Troll 2"

Not that the first "Troll" was great or anything but its sequel was impossibly foul. Monsters roam the town of Nilbog (look at it backwards), and lame, poorly-acted terror ensues. These plastic monsters resemble encephalitic dwarves from "Snow White," and they puke on victims before consuming them. Like houseflies.

 

5. "Godzilla vs The Smog Monster"

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Godzilla's had some memorable foes, like Mothra, and the robot version of himself. But The Smog Monster may be the lowest in a long line of bad Godzilla enemies. A wafer thin reference to pollution, this monster looked as dumb as you would expect. Then again, what would you expect a smog monster to look like? If you said "stupid," you'd be correct.

 

6. "Killer Klowns From Outer Space"

They're clowns–or Klowns, if you will–who cocoon people in cotton candy and then suck their blood. That sounds more like something spiders would do. Which would actually have been kind of awesome: "Killer Klown Spiders From Outer Space" would be box office gold. But alas, we're stuck with box office poison, and dumb monsters.

 

7. "Humbug," "The X-Files" Season 2

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So there's a traveling freak show in town. Among the freaks is an old man, with an old secret: he has a twin, one who can enter and exit his brother's body. He exits his brother's body so that he might kill, and feed. Aside from this ridiculous set-up, the worst part about this monster is that he's the size of a newborn. And for something that was supposed to be scary and bad-ass, the monster met its end in a pretty wimpy way–another freak eats him whole. Any monster who can be eaten like a cocktail shrimp definitely sucks.