Half Baked Quotes

Saturday, April 30 by Tony Dutch

"Half Baked" is a cult favorite and arguably one of the funniest movies of all time, spawning inside jokes and many memorable "Half Baked" quotes. The film grossed over $17,000,000 with an $8,000,000 budget. Opening the same weekend as "Titanic", "Half Baked" is memorable for completely different reasons. Read on for some of the best "Half Baked" quotes.

  1. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!”  When Julio (better known as Scarface) quit his job at His Royal Beefiness he showed a generation of stoners the “right way” to give an employer notice. This is definitely one of the most well-known "Half Baked" quotes.
  2. “For real B, do your sock laundry.” While observing their smoking ritual of removing their footwear the guys notice an offensive odor and request that Brian put his shoes back on. Scarface (a veritable quote factory) urges his friend to do his sock laundry. Not wash his feet, just do his sock laundry.
  3.  “Next time I come for you, I’m gonna want some of your cocktail…fruit!” After watching "Half Baked" many people were unable to ever view the classic lunchbox staple as innocent ever again. Fruit cocktail is the metaphor Nasty Nate uses to put Kenny on notice that “fresh fish” is on the menu. Enter the Squirrel Master.
  4. “The doctor said I need a backiotomy.” Sir Smoke-a-Lot offers marijuana-induced medical insights, teaching Thurgood and millions of fans about the newest medical procedure—backiotomies.
  5. “Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that’s an addiction man. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?”Bob Sagat has one of Hollywood’s most memorable and hilarious guest spots as a cocaine addict who, along with Real World reject David Edwards, urges the support group to “boo this man” when Thurgood admits he is in rehab for marijuana.
  6. “They had nunchucks, bolos, they be doing Indian burns. And Killer paid the price yo. You know, he got the wrath. He got the wrath of the nunchucks yo.” Scarface’s vivid reenactment of Killer’s demise at the hands of Samson’s henchwomen during the funeral is one of the all-time classic "Half Baked" quotes.
  7. “Well, did you get my message?” “Who’s this?” “This is Samson, smarty-pants!” Clarence Williams III, best known for his intimidating screen presence, gives a great performance as the effeminate drug lord Sampson Simpson. His penchant for curlers and death threats is a side-splitting combination.  
  8. “I be from Jamaica man. Lord-have-mercy” “What part of Jamaica?” “Right near the beach.” In order to convince Sampson that he is Mr. Nice Guy Thurgood pretends to be Jamaican. His disguise is a hat…and a horrible accent. Once Thurgood Jenkins realizes he might be “the first nigga to die from a crossbow” he quickly changes his story.
  9. “Abracadabra” In addition to being “the latest thing” that all the kids are saying, Abracadabra is also the code word for the detectives to take Sampson down and save Thurgood and the gang. It’s also probably one of the most botched undercover operations in cinema history.
  10. “I’m Cuban B.” “Yes, Cuban Bee.” After seeing this movie hundreds of times I still don’t understand why Sampson says “Yes, Cuban Bee.” That doesn’t make this line any less funny.
Do you like this story?