Funny Movie One Liners

Monday, July 25 by Jackie Barlow

There have been many funny movie one liners over the years, and each one recalls a favorite movie, actor or actress. The one liners and movies run the gambit from classics to modern-day themes. You can settle down with a DVD and enjoy them all over again. 

  1. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine." Who can forget Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) in 1942's "Casablanca" talking about his ex-lover, Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Bergman)? Blaine (Bogart) owns "Rick's Cafe Americain" in Casablanca in December 1941. 
  2. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy ride." This was said by Bette Davis as Margo Channing in the 1950 film "All About Eve." Channing (Davis) is an aging Broadway star, and Eve Harrington (Anne Baxter) is a young fan who enters Channing's life and threatens her personal life as well as her career.
  3. "Men should be like Kleenex – soft, strong and disposable." Madeline Kahn spoke this in the 1985 movie "Clue." The comedy film was based on the board game of "Clue" and is a murder mystery. There are three possible endings, and theaters received only one ending. But in the home video, all three endings are included.
  4. "You call that a knife? That's not a knife. This is a knife." Paul Hogan said this as Australian "Crocodile Dundee" in the 1986 movie after surviving a crocodile attack. Sue, a New York journalist, invites him to visit New York City. There are hilarious scenes as he copes with the culture there because he's never been in a big city.
  5. "You can't respect someone who kisses your ass. It  just doesn't work." Mathew Broderick gives this advice as Ferris Bueller in the 1986 "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Ferris is an affluen high school student who plays hooky with his friend. He gets into trouble after taking his father's classic Ferrari and also picking up his girlfriend. The adventure includes trying to outrun the school's dean of students.
  6. "Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job." Spoken by Angelica Huston who played Morticia in "The Addams Family." She was joined by Raul Julia as Gomez Addams and Christopher Lloyd as Gomez' long-lost brother Fester. These macabre and eccentric individuals live in a bizarre mansion.
  7. "So let me get this straight. You broke in again to apologize for breaking in yesterday?" Rene Russo as the low-budget film actress Karen Flores said this in the 1995 "Get Shorty." The movie also starred John Travolta as Chili Palmer, a loan shark who takes a job to collect a debt. Karen is the ex-wife of the actor who Palmer wants to be the star in his life story, Martin Weir (Danny DeVito). 
  8. "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal said this as Mitch Robbins in the 1991 "City Slickers." This humorous movie follows inexperienced cowboys who battle villains as they continue their cattl drive after their leader dies.
  9. "You seem somewhat familiar; have I threatened you before?" Johnny Depp was notorious and hilarious as Captain Jack Sparrow in the 2003 swash-buckling "Pirates of the Caribbean" and in the sequels that followed. The love story was provided by Orlando Bloom as Will Turner and Keira Knightley as Elizabeth, the governor's daughter.
  10. "My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates; never know what you're gonna get." Tom Hanks as the unforgettable Forrest Gump uttered these words of wisdom. Although only having an IQ of 75, Forrest is endearingly devoted to his loved ones. He also meets many historical people and is in the midst of historical events. 

- Jacklyn Barlow