Deactivate Bombs with these MacGruber Quotes

Monday, September 19 by Samantha Assad

MacGruber Quotes car” src=”” />

"MacGruber" quotes are funny, ridiculous and worth casually adding into a conversation just to see the looks you'll get. "MacGruber" is the priceless "Saturday Night Live" spoof of the 1980s hit show "MacGyver," which starred Richard Dean Anderson as the title character, a special agent who refused to use a gun and solved every problem with random household objects. "MacGruber," as played by SNL cast member Will Forte, plays by the same rules but with much less success.

"Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans. And I'm not good with clues. Wha I am good with is kicking ass and ripping throats."
 MacGruber explaining to his team member, the military upstart Lieutenant Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillippe), why he prefers to make things up as he goes along.

"Let me tell you how this is gonna go down. First I'm gonna kick you in the chin, breaking your jaw in four places. I'm gonna take you and karate flip you over my back, and then knee your nose into your brain, killing you instantly. I do wanna get a throat rip in here. I think that's gonna be you, small fry. One thing I do know, at the end of the day, Cunth, I'm gonna rip your dick off and shove it in your mouth. And that is non-negotiable. Who's first?" MacGruber telling his arch rival, the villainous Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer), and all the henchmen in the room what he's going to do to them. The next scene in MacGruber getting thrown out a window with his eight-track player following shortly after.

"To this day, I have no idea. We actually all went to college together. Believe it or not, we were very close friends. Then after graduation, he got engaged to her. He asked me to be his best man and right about that time, I started banging her and mowing her box. She was actually the first person I felt comfortable enough around to let eat out my butt. Anyway, shortly thereafter, she left him for me. She was actually carrying his child at the time. I asked her to terminate it, obviously, so we could start fresh. And she agreed. We were so in love. And he took that from me." MacGruber explaining why Dieter Von Cunth hates him and tried to kill him at his wedding years before the start of the movie. The attack killed MacGruber's wife Casey (Maya Rudolph). Apparently, Casey left Cunth and killed their baby for MacGruber, who was Cunth's best friend, but MacGruber doesn't understand why Cunth is out to get him all the time.

"So did I, but I'm not." MacGruber's response to former teammate Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Whig) when she tells him she thought he was dead.

"I hope you enjoy being date raped, ma'am." MacGruber's comment to a young woman who with Cunth when MacGruber tracks him down at a party in his home. Turns out the girl is not Cunth's date, but his daughter.

Do you like this story?

$this_cat_breadcrumbs = get_the_category(); $this_cat_name_breadcrumbs = $this_cat_breadcrumbs[0]->name; $parent_cat_id_breadcrumbs = $this_cat_breadcrumbs[0]->category_parent;