10 Christmas Vacation Quotes That Any Griswold Can Use

Sunday, October 23 by Andrew Jett

“Christmas Vacation” quotes manage to find humor in holiday-themed misfortune. In this 1989 film, Chevy Chase revives his iconic character Clark Griswold for a Christmas filled with family and fun. Clark’s get-together doesn’t go as planned, and his relatives bring holiday chaos in scenes packed with funny quotes.

“Burn some dust here. Eat m rubber.” – Clark Although he’s not exactly the brightest guy in “Christmas Vacation,” Clark Griswold means well. Quality time with his family is Clark’s motivating force, but his wife and kids don’t get as excited about it as he does. This misguided quote comes during a car ride, when Clark tries to show off his driving skills.

“Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down.” – Ellen Clark’s wife Ellen, played by Beverly D’Angelo, is the family’s voice of reason. The level-headed “Christmas Vacation” quote comes from her attempts to debate Clark’s crazy ideas. This line occurs during a Christmas tree hunt, when Clark has the family trudging through waist-deep snow.

“Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting.” – Mr. Frank Shirley Brian Doyle-Murray plays Clark’s boss, Mr. Shirley. He’s a cheapskate figure in “Christmas Vacation,” always looking for ways to save a buck. Clark’s presence doesn’t usually register with Mr. Shirley, and this quote is Shirley’s attempt to avoid a conversation. 

“Is your house on fire, Clark?” – Bethany Adding to Clark’s holiday headaches in “Christmas Vacation” is the irrepressible Aunt Bethany, a confused and clueless relative. Bethany’s quotes are always off-the-wall and unexpected. This line comes from her observation of Clark’s Christmas lights, when she mistakes them for flames.

“You surprised to see us, Clark?” – Eddie As Cousin Eddie Johnson, Randy Quaid is a thorn in Clark’s side. Eddie and his family show up unexpectedly, creating an unforeseen burden on the Griswolds’ hospitality. Eddie’s “Christmas Vacation” quotes are full of a beer-fueled enthusiasm that gets Clark into more trouble than he can handle.

“Well, something had to come through the window! Something had to break the stereo!” – Todd The Griswolds’ yuppie neighbor Todd is the antithesis of everything Clark stands for. Todd makes light of Clark’s attempts to decorate for the holidays, and Todd ends up paying for it. This “Christmas Vacation” quote comes after Todd discovers a broken window in his house, the result of one of Clark’s decorating mishaps.

“You want to hurry this up, Clark? I'm freezing my baguettes off.” – Art Clark’s father-in-law Art doesn’t think much of Clark’s attempts at holiday harmony. His condescending attitude in “Christmas Vacation” is on full display during a scene where Clark drags the family outside to observe the holiday lights on the house. Art is unimpressed with Clark’s decorating skills, and he makes his opinion known with this quote.

“Fixed the newel post.” – Clark Fed up with the chaos in his house, Clark goes a little crazy in the climactic scenes of “Christmas Vacation.” He’s most affected by his missing Christmas bonus check, money which he already spent. With this quote, Clark finds misplaced triumph after sawing off a wobbly newel post with a chainsaw.

“If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight.” – Clark Just when it seems Clark’s “Christmas Vacation” troubles can’t get any worse, they do. Lamenting the greed of his boss, Clark makes an off-the-cuff speech in front of his family. Eddie takes Clark’s quotes a bit too seriously and disappears from the house.

“I changed my mind. I'm reinstating all the bonuses.” – Mr. Frank Shirley In an effort to extract revenge on Clark’s boss, Eddie kidnaps him and brings him to the Griswold house. After a little explaining and a lot of confusion, Mr. Shirley has a change of heart. This “Christmas Vacation” quote ends the movie on a happy note, providing Clark with the holiday he always wanted.

- Andrew Jett

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