10 Best ‘Christmas Vacation’ Movie Quotes

Tuesday, January 18 by Joshua Wade

Are you looking for the 10 best 'Christmas Vacation' movie quotes? An essential Christmas film for anyone wishing to make it through the holidays, 1989’s “Christmas Vacation” was written by '80s icon John Hughes and featured an amazing cast consisting of veterans like John Randolph, Diane Ladd, William Hickey and Mae Questel. A modern day classic, the best “Christmas Vacation” movie quotes are amusing lines that not only recall classic moments, but are also some of the most memorable quotes in the film.

  1. “Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised that I am right now.” Shortly after Randy Quaid’s lovable yet, obnoxious character cousin Eddie shows up unexpectedly at the Griswold’s home just in time to see Clark’s impressive holiday light display, Clark delivered what is undoubtedly one of the best “Christmas Vacation” quotes in the entire movie.
  2. “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Something to eat Drive you out into the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” Another quote delivered by Chevy Chase’s hapless family man Clark Griswold who, annoyed with his absent-minded cousin-in-law Eddie, offers a few holiday suggestions as Eddie rambles on without any notice.
  3. “Don’t throw me down the stairs, Clark…” Hysterically portrayed by screen legend Mae Questel, the senile character of Aunt Bethany arrives at the Griswold’s home on Christmas Eve with gifts in hand (a jell-o mold and her pet cat) along with some of the best “Christmas Vacation” quotes in the movie.
  4. “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!” Much to Clark’s dismay, Christmas Eve morning begins with cousin Eddie standing outside in his bath robe, emptying the septic tank of his motor home into the neighborhood sewer, beer in hand. He then proceeds to deliver one of the best “Christmas Vacation” quotes to a pre-"Seinfeld” Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
  5. “If that thing had nine lives, she just spent ‘em all.” The untimely accidental electrocution of Aunt Bethany’s cat via a strand of chewed-on Christmas tree lights is met with one of the best “Christmas Vacation” quotes, if not one of the most insensitive quotes from crude cousin Eddie.
  6. “Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?” As Clark’s much anticipated Christmas bonus arrives, the family stands breathless with anticipation, only to find that he’s been entered into a Jelly of the Month Club. Fed up with the stress of the season, Chevy Chase delivered one of the most insulting and hilarious rants on film, ending with one of the best “Christmas Vacation” quotes and a stunned and silent family of onlookers.
  7. “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerine plant.” An accomplished Oscar-nominated actor known for his work in 1985’s “Prizzi’s Honor,” William Hickey was a screen veteran when he starred in “Christmas Vacation” as crotchety Uncle Lewis. After a new tree is brought into the house and Bethany begins to hear “squeaking sounds,” Lewis mutters one of the best quotes in the movie, only to be met with a panic-inducing squirrel.
  8. “We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny- fucking- Kaye!” After chasing a squirrel out of the house, fixing the Nule post with a chainsaw, embracing his Christmas bonus gift of a “Jelly Club” and enduring one sidesplitting mishap after another, Clark Griswold makes his feelings known and puts his foot down with one of the most memorable and most quoted lines in the entire film.
  9. “You about ready to do some kissin’?” The one thing Clark Griswold wants most for Christmas is his boss, Frank Shirley, tied up with a bow on his head so that he can make the man literally kiss his ass. Unbeknownst to the rest of the family, Eddie decides to give Clark the present he wants most. Played to comedic perfection by Brian Doyle-Murray, Frank Shirley arrives just as described, only to be posed this question by cousin Eddie.
  10. “I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.” Delivered with sarcasm by the beautiful Beverly D’Angelo as Clark’s all too understanding wife, Helen, one of the best “Christmas Vacation” quotes came after Frank Shirley’s wife reports that he has been kidnapped–resulting in the Griswold home being utterly destroyed by an ensuing SWAT team.