When we took a look at Woody Allen quotes, the first thing we noticed was that the man had quite the library of fantastic sayings.  Allen has spent most of his adult life being known as one of the best comedic directors of the last 50 years and because of this the man  apparently had a quick wit.  Of course, even when we're talking about someone like Allen, there are still the best of the best and the following are definitely the tops.

  1. "Eighty Percent of Success Is Showing Up" - It seems from a distance that Allen certainly lived his life using this as his personal mantra.  Allen certainly wasn't the biggest or the baddest or the buffest around, but he managed to carve out an incredibly successful career just showing up every day and getting down to business.

  2. "Marriage is the death of hope." - This is certainly not the most upbeat of quotes from Allen, but this is another idea he seems to buy into whole heartedly.  Allen at least bought into the quote when he was married the first time.  He cheated on his first wife, Mia Farrow with his adopted daughter Soon Yi.

  3. "If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank." - Of course, this was a rather humorous way for Allen to both make fun of those who actually believe that God interferes directly and to demonstrate that he himself is not religious at all.  It is this kind of irreverent humor that made Allen truly one of the best comedic minds of his generation.  His diminutive stature also made it hard for anyone to truly get upset with him when he poked fun at certain groups.

  4. "My one regret in life is that I am not someone else." - Allen's comedy was based largely on not only gently prodding other people but it was also heavy on self deprecation.  This is another reason why Allen stayed out of trouble even when he was picking on others.  Allen loved to pretend that he hated himself and it worked for him.

  5. "Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable." - While Allen was very self deprecating he often teamed that with a supposed hatred for life itself.  Allen built his career as an actor by being the unhappy little guy who was everyone else's victim.  He often carried that character into his real life as well.

-Oliver VanDervoort