Well, it looks like the terrorists won. Depending on your perspective.

Bowing to pressure from anonymous cock-knockers (just revealed to be connected to the North Korean government) that threatened violent action toward theaters showing the new Seth Rogen/James Franco vehicle The Interview, major movie chains refused to screen it on its scheduled Christmas Day launch, subsequently motivating Sony Pictures decided to scrap the film altogether.

All signs pointed to The Interview being a stinker anyway, so it's amazing to think that the movie was the single driving force behind the massive clusterf**k that is the ongoing Sony hack controversy. Personally, I think the theaters are a bunch of tulips for refusing to show the film and are setting a very ridiculous precedent that will likely be exploited in the future. (Could someone threaten to carpet bomb their local Regal Cinemas ahead of the next Tyler Perry film? Thanks.)

But for those of us who can absolutely do without another film from Rogen — whose humor hasn't been a breath of fresh air since Knocked Up...seven years ago — this "cancellation" is a godsend. Franco is more tolerable since he actually has a decent range, but his curricula vitae is not exactly loaded with gold, and I haven't forgiven him for Spring Breakers yet.

I don't mean to devalue the good films that either actor has made, but none of the movies below will ever be in spitting distance of the film canon, no matter how many critics overrate them.



1. Spring Breakers (2012) - Hands down the very worst film on this list. A-1 bad, from the roota to the toota. Many critics called Harmony Korine's self-indulgent, indie cred-grasping cheese-fest a "fever dream," but it was more like a bad nightmare brought on by eating a Taco Bell chalupa right before bed. On top of the film itself being insufferable, the potential of seeing former Disney stars Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez let loose their Mickey Mouse-approved titties went unrealized. Perhaps Franco's role had merit standing alone, but I couldn't separate it from the rest of a movie that my wife and I would've walked out on if not for a desire to see just where the ludicrousness would end.



2. Pineapple Express (2008) - I really wanted to like this film, but I'm not a weed smoker, and I think it best serves people who regularly, and liberally, partake in such activities. Rogen works best when he's allowed to improvise and riff on dialogue, but for some reason it just fell flat in this film; I can probably count the number of times I laughed through the entire film on one hand. That it devolves into gratuitous violence in the final act is proof that the whole damn thing was shaky to begin with.



3. The Green Hornet (2011) - Full disclosure: I didn't make it through this entire film. If you got distracted by more important things during its run time — like why one of your socks is more faded than the other — you probably didn't make it through, either. This film came out at around the time Seth Rogen was starting to get oversaturated and annoying, like Will Ferrell before him. He wasn't funny, his character's bromance with Kato (played by Jay "Nowhere near Bruce Lee" Chou) was in no way captivating, and even Christoph Waltz — fresh off of much-deserved acclaim for his role in Inglorious Basterds — couldn't make a compelling villain. So much for Rogen kicking off a franchise.



4. Spider-Man 3 (2007) - I was always somewhat lukewarm on the original Spider-Man films, maybe because Tobey Maguire has the most punchable face on terra firma, but I acknowledged the merits of the first two. And then came part three. James Franco was nowhere near the worst part of this atrocity, which unbelievably reduced Venom to a third-rate villain played by another punchable face, Topher Grace. And Peter Parker in a musical number? F'real? This Blu-ray came with my PlayStation 3, and I'm pretty sure I used it as a doorstop when I moved out of my old apartment.



5. Your Highness (2011) - Another one of those movies during which I can count the scant number of laughs I had. Danny McBride fit in like a glove in HBOs Eastbound & Down and steals scenes in small roles films like Tropic Thunder. But he can't carry a movie, and this film wastes a lot of great talent. The best part of Your Highness by miles is the scene with Natalie Portman in a thong. Fortunately, you can save a spot in your Netflix rental queue (if you still do that) and just watch it above.



6. Eat Pray Love (2010) - I never read the beloved novel from which this movie was adapted, and my Y-chromosome will probably prevent me from ever doing so. What I can say is that two hours and 20 minutes of watching Julia Roberts "find herself" is a tall order for even the most patient of bastards, and no one ever accused me of being that. Franco plays a jumpoff and is not in the movie for long, which is all the better for him, I suppose.