Dane Cook Quotes From His Classic Film Roles

Saturday, November 5 by Andrew Jett

Dane Cook quotes are some of the most unconventional quotes of any modern actor. As a stand-up comedian, Dane Cook developed a quirky sense of humor that comes across in his film roles. His unique quotes are hilarious as well as memorable.

“Yeah! Carpe deez nuts! God, I can’t wait to quit this job!” Dane Cook quotes don’t get much screentime in 2005’s “Waiting…” but they’re no less effective. Cook plays Floyd, a chain-restaurant worker who obviously has issues with his employer. He voices his displeasure in a not-so-subtle way during this quote.

“We almost had to move it up to the ten second rule.” Cook’s character in “Waiting…” isn’t exactly the most sanitary employee. He and the rest of the kitchen staff routinely engage in cringe-worthy antics with the food. In this quote, he throws caution and cleanliness standards to the wind.

“And I want to thank you for caring about my job, really.” A warehouse store called Super Club is the setting for Dane Cook’s 2006 movie “Employee of the Month.” He stars as a slacker employee who cleans up his act in an effort to woo Jessica Simpson’s character. Cook is full of sarcasm in the film and it comes through in this quote.

“What I want is for you to take me with you the next time you kill someone.” The Dane Cook quotes in 2007’s “Mr. Brooks” take a very dark turn. Cook plays a man with a disturbing fascination for Kevin Costner’s serial killer character. When Cook discovers Costner’s double life, he uses this quote to issue an ultimatum.

“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.” Dane Cook gets back to his comedic roots in 2007’s “Good Luck Chuck.” He plays Charlie, a fun-loving dentist stuck with a painful curse. Every woman Charlie dates finds her true love after leaving him. The premise opens itself up to many sharply humorous quotes, including this play on words.

“And by ‘deformity,’ he means small breasts.” Dane Cook’s best friend in “Good Luck Chuck” is a womanizing cosmetic surgeon named Stu. The pair engage in all types of romantic horseplay during the film. In this quote, Cook takes a playful shot at Stu’s profession in the presence of a patient.

“How could I say something if I don’t feel it?” As the plot unfolds during “Good Luck Chuck,” Dane Cook’s character finds true love with a gorgeous zoologist played by Jessica Alba. His newfound feelings bring a mix of melancholy. Cook wants to make things work with Alba's character but saves himself the pain of his romantic curse. This quote is part of his attempt to weigh the consequences.

“I swear, the minute I saw her I felt like I was in the room with an angel.” In 2007’s “Dan In Real Life,” Steve Carell meets the woman of his dreams, only to find out she’s dating his brother, played by Dane Cook. In this dramatic comedy, Cook and Carell attempt to put aside their feelings and work their way out of the love triangle. With this quote, Cook vocalizes his desire for their mutual object of affection.

“I would kick you in the ass, but my foot might get sucked in.” “My Best Friend’s Girl” features Dane Cook as a philandering scumbag who makes a living by disgusting women and driving them back to their ex-boyfriends. His character prides himself on his crudeness and this quote is proof of his irritating attitude.

“I can’t really hang around high school these days, unfortunately.” Dane Cook’s character faces a dilemma in “My Best Friend’s Girl” when Jason Biggs's character hires him to get his ex-girlfriend back. Biggs and Cook are best friends in the film and when Biggs’s girl shows genuine interest in Cook, he has to decide between friendship and love. He keeps his sense of humor through it all, though. This quote is one of his many tongue-in-cheek lines.

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