movies

7 Awful Prequel Ideas & Their Posters

POSTED BY Jame Gumb | THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 17 AT 10:28 PDT 

If there's one thing Hollywood loves to do, it's run an idea into the ground. And when it comes to squeezing every last dime out of a concept, sequels are the studios' weapon of choice.

But what happens when your film's main characters are dead, or your actors refuse to return for part two? A prequel. That’s what happens.

From X-Men Origins to Van Wilder: Freshman Year, Hollywood has proven that all you need for a prequel is a loose back story, an established title, and a willingness to crap all over the memory of the original movie.

On that note, here are seven awful prequels that are currently in production (in our minds).

Shawshank Origins: Brooks

Haven’t you always wondered about the mysterious origins of Brooks Hatlen, the librarian and resident "bird man" of Shawshank? No? Well screw you. That's what you're getting.

Shawshank Origins

 

 

The Wrestler: Thunder in Paradise

The Wrestler ended on kind of a downer. Let's remember Randy "The Ram" Robinson in happier times. I'm thinking Springsteen's Glory Days for the soundtrack, or maybe Pink Cadilac.

The Wrestler: Thunder in Paradise

 

 

The Young Pluto Nash Chronicles

Kids just love Webster! Kids love Pluto Nash even more! Combine the two, and you’re gonna make yourself a billion dollars!

Pluto Nash Prequel

 

 

Six (or 6ix)

Before his family was brutally murdered in Se7en, Detective David Mills (Brad Pitt) was on the case with his smooth-talking street-smart partner, Darryl “Detroit” Donaldson (Martin Lawrence). This unlikely duo will have to set aside their differences in order to track down “Six” stolen crystals before an evil Asian drug kingpin summons the ghost of Genghis Kahn.  

Martin Lawrence Seven Prequel

(I know this poster looks like garbage, but I couldn't justify spending any more time on a Martin Lawrence parody.)

 

My Big Fat Greek Uncle...

My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets Sleepers. Look, Nia.  The studio isn't going to greenlight anything without a Greek theme, so if you want a shot at a drama, this is your only chance.

My Big Fat Gree Wedding Prequel

 

 

Philadelphia: When Andy Met Miguel

Before all the lawsuits, before all the AIDS, before the all the lesions... there was the romance.

Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace

Let's take a prepubescent Darth Vader, pair him with a jive-talking CGI duck-lizard and put them both in the middle of an intergalactic trade dispute! Oh, they already did that? My bad.

Star Wars Phantom Menace Prequel

 

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Oh wait, that was supposed to be funny?
POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 17 AT 11:24 PDT 

eh, maybe
POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 17 AT 12:39 PDT 

eh, maybe

POSTED BY Jame Gumb | THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 17 AT 12:42 PDT 

Awesome.
POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 17 AT 1:43 PDT 

loved the star wars inclusion.
POSTED BY Anonymous | FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 18 AT 7:01 PDT 

Wow, timely. A shot at Episode One in 2009.
POSTED BY Anonymous | FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 18 AT 2:57 PDT