Different smart people are always debating what it is that movies are supposed to do for us. From "transcending the emptiness of our modern lives" to "reflecting our secret desires," somebody always has some crackpot theory about what a movie means.  So what does it mean that dudes getting interrupted while wanking it is in almost every kind of movie you can imagine? Drama, Coming of Age, Suburban Comedy, 1990's Hip Hop parody comedy.  Here, in an intro to the genre, we present you with a survey course, Movie Masturbatus Interruptus 101.

AMERICAN PIE

American Pie, of course, is arguably the most famous of "Masturbatus Interruptus" films. In the original movie, not only does main character Jim get startled by both his parents but, as seen at the 0:25 mark in the clip above, his father inadvertently pulls the covers off his bed, exposing the sock he has slipped over himself to both his parents.  Rough.

For a nice view of the sock, see the 0:26 mark of this clip

Later, of course, in a clip far too steamy for youtube, Jim sticks his junk into an apple pie cooked by his mother especially for him. Of course, Jim has little time to enjoy himself as his perplexed father walks in on him moments later.  This movie has spawned a billion sequels and offshoots, but none contain the original shock of the classic pie scene.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

By far the weirdest of the lot.  Our confusing Masturbatus Interruptus scene comes here as Joel (Jim Carrey), who has gone to a clinic that can remove memories, changes his mind and decides, mid-procedure that he wants to keep his memories of his ex-girlfriend. He has to hide her somewhere dark, deep, a hidden, a memory the memory-removers can't get to. Where does he put her? In a repressed memory of getting caught masturbating by his mother. Of course, because this film is nutballs crazy, even though he was a little kid when it happened, the scene is reënacted by an adult Jim Carrey and his ex-girlfriend can see it happening.

FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH

Fast Times at Ridgemont High - Watch more Movie Trailers

Everyone remembers Phoebe Cates in the red bathing suit that unhooked from the front. But does everyone remember that the entire sequence is Brad's masturbation fantasy and that moments later, the very woman he is fantasizing about walks in on him?  This leads Brad (Judge Reinhold) to utter the classic complaint of all men interrupted: “Doesn't anybody f**kin' knock anymore?”  It is one of life's great questions for the red-blooded male.

AMERICAN BEAUTY

A winner in the most depressing category, this scene from American Beauty features a man not interrupted by a parent, nor the object of his affection, but rather, his wife.  Lester (Kevin Spacey) is a depressed suburban guy in love with a sixteen-year-old who works in a fast food restaurant whose wife is cheating on him.  Basically, at this point in the film, Lester is kind of like, fuck it, and, thinking his wife is asleep, just starts going for it. Of course she wakes up and of course he at first denies everything before uttering yet another classic line of the genre, “Alright, so shoot me, I was wacking off.”  Because this is the internet, someone has remixed this scene and thrown on some some echo, reverb, and a beat for your enjoyment.

Most of the interrupters in these movies act shocked and disgusted. But what if they didn't? Wouldn't that be even more of a nightmare? Something as awful as, say, this clip below?

Caught in the act - Watch more Funny Videos

CB4

CB4 - Watch more Funny Videos

And then there are offshoots, however, of the interruption-while-masturbating scene. What about when a man is too busy to even bother with the act so he can then get interrupted?  The classic hip hop parody CB4 is an excellent example. MC Gusto (Albert to his friends) is, in this clip, so beaten down and exhausted with the rap game and all its trappings, he can't even be bothered to degrade women, or even go through with one of life's few remaining pleasures. This is one of the few cinematic examples of interrupting oneself.  So poignant, we're surprised Lars von Trier has not shot a scene of it with full frontal.

So which is worse? The pretend like it didn't happen, the confront it head on?  Or the self-induced stoppage?  And really, doesn't anyone f**kin' knock anymore?
 

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