THE SCIENCE OF WEIRD 10 Weird Jeff Goldblum Moments Jeff Goldblum is a weird dude. He has spent the last quarter-century playing a weird dude onscreen. At some point in his adolescence, he looked in the mirror had the realization that there was a real niche in being Hollywood’s preeminent Vulcan Gigolo Scientist/Christopher Walken soundalike who ends ever sentence on a question mark. He is in ton of supernatural movies probably because he looks, well, supernatural. Before Goldblum gets too serious in 2009’s Adam Resurrected, let’s take a look at a few of his quirkiest moments. Weirdo. Endorsing A Snack From the mind of Seth MacFarlane, Jeff Goldblum’s Wafers are not too forward, mildly flavored, and suggestive. They are also a hit with the ladies, unlike those wussy Wheat Thins. Slurring About Pizza Goldblum was the spokesman for Apple that you didn’t want to strangle (READ: Justin Long). Someone slowed down this ad and it sounds more like an evening with Jeff Goldschlager. Why when you’re this hammered does the conversation inevitably lead to pizza? Slurring About Internet Okay, just one more. This commercial even has the web address being typed in very slowly. You know, the way you would type with one hand. I mean, because your other’s holding a beer. Going From Gold To Blue This clip “Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job” shows Goldblum’s true passion for makeup and mime. And blue face paint and turtlenecks. Be sure to catch The Jeff GoldBluMan Group at your local amphitheater. Leave the drugs at home. Trust us. Being A (Private) Dick (“Tenspeed and Brown Shoe”) This series in 1980 paired our man Goldblum (Brown Shoe) and a scam artist on parole (Tenspeed) as detectives. It was cancelled after one season. Perhaps the title was too “nicknamey”. Nicknames get old quick, Chief. Watching You Poop The Internet is a maze of back alleys and dark corners. One of these dark corners was (now-defunct) www.jeffgoldblumiswatchingyoupoop.com But don’t feel violated since you can watch Jeff Goldblum poop. Simply go rent “Holy Man”. Brown eye for a brown eye. Fighting Aliens (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension) This sci-fi action comedy flick had Peter Weller (yes, Robocop) as the title character, Dr. Buckaroo Banzai. Goldblum played one of Banzai’s loyal assistants, Dr. Sidney Zweibel or “New Jersey”. Weller and Goldblum are in a jazz group called “The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra”. Its it “weird-robo-science-jazz” though ? Scatting All Over The Place In jazz, the term “scatting” means using your voice to improvise sounds and melodies. It’s also a casual way to say animal shit. This video shows that it can mean both things at once. (Skib-idee-doo-wop) Dumping A Girl (as a bug) (“The Fly”) This scene from is simply masterful. Check out the detail on our man-sect Jeff! Kudos to the makeup department. For once, it doesn’t look Geena Davis is eating Baba Booey’s teeth. Smelling Funny (“The Jamie Kennedy Experiment”) In this prank, Jeff refers to himself in the third person, covers Rick James, spontaneously breaks into joyful tap dancing, and takes the piss out of male models. What is the fragrance of Goldblum? I would say Bug Spray and money. Look for Jeff Goldblum in 2009 when he’ll replace Chris Noth on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”. The show co-stars Vincent D’Onofrio and Eric Bogosian, two seriously weird-looking dudes. - By Buck Russell. Not weird at all, actually.