The Top 7 Heroes who Need to Die

Thursday, February 26 by

Surprise!  Daphne’s not dead!  Surprise!  Sylar’s not dead!  Surprise!  Some dude who you absolutely wished had kicked the bucket is not dead!  If there’s one thing the Heroes writers have proven themselves to be incapable of, it’s killing off a character. 

They don’t know that after the fourth or fifth time you’ve snapped at the audience, “Gotcha!” you really can’t do it a sixth time and expect the same “Oh snap!” reaction.  Especially not when said character has had two or three fakeout deaths before.  In any case, because I know that these same writers read my Heroes recaps and rants religiously, I have drawn up a list of the seven heroes characters whose presence, though it would be somewhat missed, has really worn out its welcome, and should be disposed of by, at the very least, the end of Volume 5.  (And speaking of 5 – did Level 5 seem ridiculously easily escapable to anyone else?)  If done away with, these characters will gain far more importance dead than alive.

7. Usutu

Why their time is up:

He’s nothing but a glorified deus ex machina.

Why they’re no longer a hero:
Guilty of trapping Parkman in that wasteland eating paste and painting time-wasting visions of the future whose only purpose is to start what they show (After all, Daphne may not have died if Parkman hadn’t rushed to save her), and popping up unwelcome, twice, in this season, a vision to Parkman alone.  Okay, so maybe he doesn’t completely technically count as a character, but can’t Parkman just picture a giant elephant goring him to death?  Arthur started the job by snapping his head off, but the deus ex machina lives on…

6.  Tracy Strauss

Why their time is up:
Her character has existed two or three times before on the show, for chrissakes!

Why they’re no longer a hero:
Actually, pretty much since Tracy first showed her apparently genetically engineered face she was unwelcome.  Essentially, Tracy is the embodiment of the cowardice of the Heroes writers – even when a character is fully, completely, 100% dead, they will still find a way to bring that actor or actress back because hey, let’s face it, she’s damn hot and will probably attract many salivating fanboys.  By now she’s simply turned into a device that causes tension between the two Petrell brothers – if she died, can you think of anybody on the show that would truly miss her?  Neither can I.

5. Matt Parkman

Why their time is up:
Ever since Usutu, he’s been a dead weight.

Why they’re no longer a hero:
Parkman, in each episode this season, has proven himself to be nothing more than Usutu’s puppet.  On top of this, his whole romance with Daphne, which sometimes strikes exactly the right cord but most of the time feels like the desperately conjured romance it is, is not going anywhere. When Daphne died, it looked like he did.  Now that she’s back, they should kill him off instead, and give her character something to fight for, as even though she’s been on the main cast for awhile it still feels like it’s more Parkman’s relationship than hers, and she needs a chance to shine.  Besides, his mind manipulation was proven to be mostly useless in the episode, "Cold Wars," where they had the opportunity to find out everything they needed from Noah and ended up being caught with their pants down.  Where’s the power that we heard Parkman had the potential for in Season 2?  Did it just disappear or something?

4.  Mohinder Suresh

Why their time is up:
His best days are behind him.

Why they’re no longer a hero:

In the first season, Mohinder served as the tour guide into this fantastical new world we were discovering back then, as he was the narrator for most every episode (and in fact the actor is the only one who has been in every single episode) and the entire “hero” phenomenon began with his father’s book, “Activating Evolution.” This has since been done away with in favor of the much more derivative “X-Men” syndrome.  Aside from this, he was a chance to take a breather from all the hero business, because for the longest time he didn’t have any powers – he was a normal person trying to survive amongst all the madness, and he was intelligent and resourceful.  As soon as Volume Three began, we said hello to the mad scientist deep within him, and he lost both his intelligence and resourcefulness and now has turned into a completely useless companion in Volume Four.  His power (super strength) is also pretty lame (come on, you couldn’t come up with a better power for one of your main characters?), and much of the time he’s hindering them, not helping.

3.  Claire Bennet

Why their time is up:

She’s immortal, and that’s boring.

Why they’re no longer a hero:
The writing for Claire’s character has gone from excellent to repetitively horrifying.  In the first season she was portrayed as a teenager frightened by her changing body (and many fanboys would gladly help Hayden Panettiere with this issue) her trust broken by her father and her previously cozy world falling apart around her as she discovered the truths about her past.  Nowadays, she’s gotten over the changing body part, but her trust is still broken by her father (both of them now), and that’s pretty much all she consists of.  If she were to die, it would radically shake things up, not the least of which would be Noah’s world, as the entire reason for his muddled loyalties would no longer exist.  Plus we wouldn’t have to hear her tell her dad that he doesn’t understand one more motherfucking time.

2.  Sylar/Gabriel Gray

Why their time is up: 
He’s already died twice! Thrice?  Frice?? Is that even a word?!

Why they’re no longer a hero:
First of all, he never technically was a hero, and second of all, don’t get me wrong, I love Zachary Quinto as much as the next guy, but at some point you have to let him go and explore his film career or something.  Two or three super-baddies have come and gone during Sylar’s reign, including one with the regenerative powers Sylar was so desperately seeking, Adam Monroe, who had the perfect amount of potential to be the next baddie, but the writers just didn’t trust him with it, so they had the next lame-ass baddie take him out, Arthur Petrelli.  (A supervillain so powerful, mind you, that he could only come out when it moved the plot forward).  And on top of all this, at the end of the last volume, when Claire shoved a shard of glass into the back of Sylar’s head, they went ahead and just left him in the building while it burned!  Talk about tempting fate.  When even the protagonists seemed to have given up hope that they’ll ever escape the bad guy, you know he needs to go.  Besides, if he did, it could give Luke, Microwave Boy, some interesting villain motivations. (Oh, and they could burn could his body to ashes and spread them across the globe, in safe spots, and potentially bring him back at a far later date.)

1.  Hiro Nakamura

Why their time up:
Sadly, he’ll never be a true hero.

Why they’re no longer a hero:
Two words: wasted potential.  In the first season, Hiro being a bumbling geek made sense; two seasons later, it makes none.  After saving the planet at least twice, Hiro, a couple of episodes ago, proved that he hadn’t learned a damn thing when he pouted like a little bitch when Ando saved the day with his non-power. He only seems good for whining and making self-important speeches about destiny, which in the first season was cute, but now it’s just coming off as annoying.  And powerless as he is now, he’s demonstrating how even further useless he is.  Every line from his mouth is like he’s begging to be killed off.  Why hasn’t it happened yet?  And, sad to say it, but just like Tracy, do you know anyone besides Ando who would truly miss him if he died?  I mean, he does have the catalyst inside him from his mom, but what the hell does that mean?  If he died maybe that would shake things up.  Come on, Hiro, it’s time for you to go now.

-Thomas Anderson
aka Movie Buzz Review Dude.  Check out his movie/media/pop culture blog here.

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