It’s Friday night, which means the only thing on TV is going to be the presidential debate. But, rather than watching the whole thing and getting depressed, why not use it as an excuse to get totally hammered? Follow these simple rules and by the end of the debate, you’ll be totally convinced that these knuckleheads know what they’re doing. Or you’ll be passed out. Either way, you win.
- Drink every time the moderator has to step in and keep things civilized
- Drink every time the words Wall Street and Main Street are used in quaint political juxtaposition
- Drink every time someone makes a promise that there’s no way they can keep
- Drink every time one candidate shakes his head while the other is talking
- Drink every time one of the candidates totally ignores the current question and goes back to a previous one they liked better.
- Drink every time McCain mentions that he was tortured
- Drink every time McCain mentions 9/11
- Drink every time they cut to Sarah Palin and her 27 children
- Drink every time Obama says the words "hope" or "change"
- Drink every time someone says a word you don’t think George Bush understands
- Drink every time someone says the word "economy"
- Drink every time the crowd claps far too enthusiastically for words that don’t mean anything
- Drink every time Dick Cheney’s heart skips a beat. This one really has nothing to do with the debate; it’s just a good way to get drunk quickly
- Drink every time you get really bored
- Drink every time you switch the channel for a second to see what else is on, but come back because it’s Friday and there’s nothing else on except for nine straight episodes of Law and Order on TNT.
[Please understand that this is a joke and drink responsibly. And vote. And don’t talk on your cell phone and drive. That should cover it.]