So instead, they went with a guy from Sons of Anarchy, but whom I will always remember as the poorly conceived character from Undeclared, Charlie Hunnam. Of course the producers wanted Ryan Gosling. Everyone wants Ryan Gosling. I want him here watching me write this article about him. But that would be a terrible use of his time, talents, and charm, as would a starring role in Fifty Shades of Grey.

Instead, he'll probably end up playing some guy that doesn't talk in a Nicholas Winding Refn film, and that will still be better.

As long as we're discussing people who didn't get cast in the anticipated adaptation, we've got: Garret Hedlund, Christian Cooke, Elizabeth Olsen, and Imogen Poots. I know who 50% of those names are.

Whatever. This will be like the Hunger Games for unhappy older people.