With his days comprised of “driving around, bowling, the occasional flashback,” and a healthy diet of white Russians and ganja (keeps the mind limber), The Dude lands the number one spot. He is what every stoner should aspire to be: fit of both body and spirit, a true adventurer of happenstance, offered BJ’s by Tara Reid, and always adorned in the finest of bathrobes. Situated betwixt surfers, Vietnam vets, and Nihilists, he’s just the man for his time and place. His particular bit of stoner wisdom? “That rug REALLY tied the room together.”
Even with his chubby torso and tragic "Jew fro," Ben Stone was smooth enough to maneuver Katherine Heigl into the sack. Sure, she was totally hammered, but it’s not bad for a guy who splits his time between ripping bong hits and scouring movies for even the smallest flash of celebrity nudity. Famous quote: “Did we have sex? Nice.”
Being both surf bum and pothead—a common intersection among stoners, Jeff Spicoli reins supreme. He eloquently demonstrates the pharmaceutical option for navigating the ups and downs of the 1980’s teenage experience. He is the progenitor of a thousand rip-offs to come, staking his claim to fame in the classic Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Famous quote: “You’re ripping my card!”
It takes a true stoner (and a true gentleman) to offer a mobster a taste of your honey bear bong, especially when he and his buddies are ready to blow what’s left of your brains all over your filthy couch, which you have not left for weeks. And True Romance’s Floyd (Brad Pitt) does just this, demonstrating the type of coolness under pressure that comes from years of cannabinoid self-medication. His stoner wisdom? “Hey! Get some beer and some cleaning products!”
Have you ever seen Scent of a Woman? Have you ever seen Scent of a Woman…on weed? Honestly, I don’t know. Or maybe I just can’t remember. Categorized as the quintessential Enhancement Smoker (Jon Stewart) in Half Baked, he enjoys the finer aspects of life, and enjoys them even more while blazed. His Stoner Wisdom: “What? What? Red team GO! Red team GO!”
Method Man/Red Man
Oh, those Ivy League kids, with their cardigans, stiff upper lips, trust funds and limitless opportunities for social advancement. And who better to show them the way of the stoner than the dynamic duo comprised of Method Man and Redman. Always on the prowl for pussy and enshrouded in a cloud of lab-grown hydro haze, the protagonists of How High smoke their way into Harvard. Stoner Wisdom: “I loves Ben Franklin Girl, and I could listen to you talk about his stinkin’ ass all day long.”
Alex- Grandma’s Boy
High Times Magazine has something called the Stony Awards. It is a much coveted honor among the weedertanment community, a community that can’t remember a single thing about last year’s awards. In 2006 Grandma’s Boy, a movie about a 35 year old video game tester that lives with his grandmother and two of her silver foxy friends swept the competition. The Best Actor Award went to Alex (Allen Covert). Stoner Wisdom: “My Grandma drank all my pot.”
Harold And/Or Kumar?
It wasn’t until 2004 that Koreans and Indians started admitting to their friendships. They go on car rides and smoke hella bud and search for hamburgers and kick it. Finally, a world like that ride at Disney Land where everyone sings together, even Dutch children. Famous Stoner Wisdom: “Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?”
The Kid in the Backseat
Although his appearance is quick, no list of top stoners would be complete without a mention of College Boy Number Three (Geoffrey Arend) from the infamous Super Troopers. Having just consumed enough baggies of product to stay high till roughly 2016. That’s never the easiest way to have a roadside conversation with a member of the law-enforcement community. His stoner wisdom is also the reason why he’s on the list: “I AM freaking out MAN.”
No list is complete without someone who’s adding to the supply (while definitely doing quality control). And what better strain than Caddyshak Carl’s hybrid. I’ll let the quote tell the story: “This is a cross between Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent and Northern California Sinsimilla. The amazing thing abut this stuff is you can play holes on it in the afternoon, take it home, and just get stoned to the bejeezus at night on this stuff. I’ve got pounds of this stuff."
Another member of the supplier community, Jay spends his day like a dealer should: standing in front of a convenience store and berating people. Sometimes he dances. Famous stoner wisdom: “I hate guys. I love WOMEN!”
Before he directe Iron Man, his name was Gutter and his mission was simple: get the beer. Just get the beer Gutter. But when he has a few too many rips from Old Smokey, simple tasks turn practically impossible. And to mix it up for this one, the famous stoner Wisdom comes in the form of a line spoken to him: “Kiss me where the Pampers are.”