GALLERY: THE LADIES OF ‘TRUE BLOOD’

Wednesday, September 9 by

This season of True Blood has been some bizarre television. It has had moments of melodrama, moments of awesome, and many moments of hokiness. Despite the recent inconsistencies, we just can’t peel our eyes away. That probably has a lot to do with the comely female cast. We’d watch a thousand shakey, black-eyed pagan old people orgies if only to catch a glimpse of any of the beauties below. In honor of this Sunday’s second season finale, we present to you the lovely ladies of True Blood.

ANNA PAQUIN as SOOKIE STACKHOUSE

          

Anna Paquin left her child star image way, way, way far behind when she took on the lead role of the mind-reading Sookie Stackhouse. Her intense sex scenes can only be described in the immortal words of Chris Tucker. "DAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNN!!!!!!!" It’s appropriate that her character is a mind-reader because I just can’t get her out of my head.

 

RUTINA WESLEY as TARA THORNTON

          

The strong-willed, sharp-tongued Tara is the sassiest resident in Bon Temps (save for Lafayette). Though her character was placed smack-dab in the epicenter of Crazy Town this year, we’re interested to see where the writers take her next year. Hopefully she’ll go back to breaking hearts instead of eating them.

 

ASHLEY JONES as DAPHNE LANDRY

          

Ashley Jones‘s portrayal of the scarred, shape-shifting Daphne brought a sexiness to the show that was severely lacking in its sophomore year. Sadly, she only stuck around for a few episodes but her sultry presence made viewers want to add some scratches of thier own to her back. You might also recognize her as Bridget Forrester on daytime TV‘s The Bold and Beautiful, a show which my Nans and I never miss.

 

DEBORAH ANN WOLL as JESSICA HAMBY

          

What Deborah Ann Woll‘s teenage vampire Jessica has in the annoying, whiney department is definitely made up for in the I-don’t-care-because-you’re-hot department. And when her character chills the f*** out, she gives a really interesting performance. What other redhead could make us believe that her hymen has grown back? Lindsay Lohan certainly couldn’t.

 

ANNA CAMP as SARAH NEWLIN

          

Anna Camp chewed the scenery as the First Lady of the Light of Day Institute, Sarah Newlin. And Bible’s weren’t the only thing that this preacher‘s wife was thumping — see the episode where she gives devoted Christ soldier Jason a full-release in the name of the Lord. She’s proof-postive that Heaven exists on Earth.

 

LYNN COLLINS as DAWN GREEN

          

The striking Lynn Collins scorched the screen as the pistol-packing, fang-banging waitress, Dawn. But like many who don the tight Merlotte’s t-shirt, she wasn’t long for this world. Fortunately her five episodes were enough to get her noticed and she picked up roles in X-Men Origins: Wolverine and the upcoming John Carter From Mars. I skippedWolverine so I’m unclear what her mutant ability is though I speculate that it had something to do with weakening of the knees.

 

MICHELLE FORBES as MARYANN FORRESTER

          

This quakey, shakey handmaiden of Satan has the entire town under her spell and I can see why. For a moment she had me thinking of the advantages of dating a hippie. Then she went and built a tower of meat and dead animals in the front yard. Sorry. That’s a deal-breaker. That behavior is only condoned when David Lynch does it.

 

LIZZY CAPLAN as AMY BURLEY

          

In Cloverfield Lizzy Caplan literally exploded on screen whereas in True Blood she exploded performance-wise as Amy, the free-spirited waitress who would do anything for a drop of vampire’s blood including tying up vampires and draining them in the basement. Which goes to show, behind every organic vegan is a trail of dead monsters.

 

EVAN RACHEL WOOD as SOPHIE-ANNE LECLERQ, THE VAMPIRE QUEEN OF LOUISIANA

          

To put it kindly, Evan Rachel Wood‘s much-hyped appearance was lackluster. Her amateurish performance was confounding and unnecessary to the plot and her line delivery seemed more like a Scarlett Johansson impression. Not sure what was tripping her up there but let’s hope it gets straightened out before her story arc in Season 3. And, oh yeah, she looked hot.

 

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