Will Smith, Mark Wahlberg and Queen Latifah are just a few of the rappers who have spun gold records into box office gold. But what about those emcees that haven’t had the same opportunities? Here are a few hip-hop stars that never made the leap to the silver screen and the roles that they were born to play.
Lil Wayne – “W.A.Y.N.E.”
Lil Wayne stars as a Martian who must collect enough cough syrup to save his dying home world. Along the way he befriends the only young boy who can understand his strange, vocoder-tinged alien language. When he and his new ally attract the attention of the government, the block has never been as hot. It’s a race against time as Wayne mumbles incoherently and shows up late to places. The first film to be officially endorsed by Codeine.
Tag Team – “Tag Team”
The artisans of the world’s most infectious Jock Jam are back. This time, Atlanta is gripped in fear as a killer is dispatching booty dancers one by one. The only duo that can get close enough to solve the case are Tag Team. Two guys that you definitely want to have on your side. They got your back.
Lil Kim – “Lil Kim’s @$$ $#!+**###! Adventure"
This film is far too graphic and raw to recap. In fact, after gazing upon it at a preview screening Jeffrey Lyons turned to solid stone.
PaRappa The Rapper – “I Gotta Believe”
Delivering a breakout performance, PaRappa the Rapper stars in his own biopic. From his impoverished beginnings on the hard knock street corners of Oakland to his eventual superstardom we see the private life and rhymes of a man who has lived in the public eye. This film delivers the message that no matter the obstacles, anything is possible. You just gotta believe.
Ol’ Dirty Bastard – “Across State Lines”
Ol’ Dirty Bastard was a national treasure. If he hadn’t been stolen from us by God at such a tender age, he could have had a very successful film career. In “Across State Lines”, ODB decides that in order to reconcile with his recent ex-girlfriend he should get to know her kids a little better. And what better way than by taking a road trip? The only problem is he forgot to get permission or mention it to the children’s mother. Madcap police manhunts ensue!!
R. Kelly – “Piston”
With his legal woes trickling away, R. Kelly is finally freed up to start his film career. In “Piston”, Kelly stars as hotshot NBA powder keg Paul “The Piston” Perkins. After a run-in with league officials, The Piston is ordered to coach an all-girl’ high school basketball team. Can he lead the underdogs to the vaunted showers of golden victory?
Notorious B.I.G. – “B.I.G. Momma’s House”
Taken out in his prime, Biggie never had the chance to pursue acting. It’s truly sad because he would have been perfect for family comedy. And with his natural padding, just think of the millions of fat-suit dollars that could have been saved.
Plus, how great would it be to see all these guys interviewed by James Lipton?
Matt Sears is a freelance writer living in New York City. You can find more of his writings HERE.