Hide your wooden stakes and put the garlic back in the cupboard, let’s make buddies with some baddies! It’s time to coffin-cuddle your favorite bloodthirsty fiend with five Friendly Vampire Movies like “Twilight.”
Blade is, for lack of a better term, a “mulatto” vampire; his mother got bit by a bloodsucker while he was in the womb. The film is based on the Marvel character created by comic book legends Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan back in “Tomb of Dracula” in 1978. With wide lapels and groovy Miles Davis goggles, his original outfit screamed “soul brother vampire slayer #1” in sharp contrast to the Snipes update that hissed out more of a sleek, leather-clad street demon with katana swords. Hey, anybody who hangs around with Kris Kristofferson as a mentor has got to be cool.
In a post-apocalyptic manga world where everybody has some sort of flowing cape and lives in what look like a castle from a Meat Loaf video, Vampire Hunter D is the straight flowiest. He’s supposedly the only living descendant from Dracula himself, but having a distaste for the old man decides to shorten his own name from “dhampir” (meaning “half vampire”) to just “D.” That’s pretty much the most baller thing a Vampire Hunter could do short of getting Nate Dogg to sing on his soundtrack. Suppose riding a cybernetic horse around and killing futuristic quasi-demons while spitting nasty catch-phrases is a close second. Talk to the hand! No, really. He has a symbiote living in his left hand. Talk to his hand. Okay.
Death by stereo! With INXS on the soundtrack! The Frog Brothers! Oiled-up, shirtless lead singers who still believe! The guy who played Bill S. Squire dies upside down in a cave. This move has squirt guns that melt vampires with holy water. SQUIRT GUNS THAT MELT VAMPIRES WITH HOLY WATER! This is a movie in which you can sit in a room with your guy friends and not get weird watching a young Corey Haim in the bathtub. I mean, even the boring parts take place in a VHS rental shop, which has turned into some kind of cool thing now. This movie gets a coveted Tarantino shout-out in “Reservoir Dogs” for a reason.
It’s shocking to think that after 30+ years, between the invention of CG animation and the success of films like “Hotel Transylvania”, no company has thought to scoop up “Bunnicula” as a franchise. While this movie was technically an ABC Weekend Special, it counts as the on-screen premiere of one of the most unique children’s book creations to come out in the 1970’s. A family takes in a fluffy little bunny with a friggin’ widow’s peak and think nothing of it. In the morning, the family dog and cat ponder why there were a bunch of gray carrots sitting in their kitchen. Little do they know that they harbored a rabbit whose main purpose was to rise in the moonlight to suck all of the juice out of the produce in the house! This is a rabbit whose main device is to teach kids to eat their veggies through vitamin envy or something. They don’t get much friendlier.
Some of the deepest kinships have been forged over a Rubik’s Cube. When it comes to growing pains on the snowy outskirts of 1981 Stockholm, tween Eli s as good a companion as a bullied child can hope for. The immortal child channels the river of blood left in her wake around the young Oskar, even going so far as to top the menace of his bullies in mortifying ways. This Swedish slasher unravels at a pace as steady and horrifying as “The Exorcist,” winning the distinction of being one of few adaptations that has been praised by the author of the book the film is based upon.