2009 Oscar Liveblog

Sunday, February 22 by

We would like to thank all of our readers for joining us on this incredibly special night.  Here are some final thoughts on the evening, particularly the dominance on Slumdog Millionaire

@Michael_bay:  Highlight of the evening? My Hummer has Lamborghini doors.

Philip Buster: It’s clear: Oscars finally outsourced as economy crashes.

Matt Sears:  Mickey Rourke is gonna choke-slam someone at the Vanity Fair Party.

Max Powers:  The academy is cleary Lactose-Intolerant with their snub of ‘Milk.’

GOODNIGHT.

BEST PICTURE:  HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO GUANTANAMO BAY SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

@Michael_bay:  Who let catering on the stage?

Philip Buster:  Slumdog Wins. Impoverished Indians to eat their hearts out, literally. NOTE: All these people live together.

Matt Sears:  What happened, did CalTech have a fire drill? Where are all these computer programmers come from?

Max Powers:  And now, a Slumdog sweeps up the theatre.

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE:  MICKEY ROURKE SEAN PENN?

@Michael_bay:  Gay man beats up Wrestler. News at 11.

Philip Buster:  Ben Kingsley could beat the crap out of all of these guys. Because he fights dirty.

Matt Sears:  Sean Penn loses himself in every role. And his wallet in every strip club.

Max Powers: M-I-C-K-E-Y R-O-U-R-K-E. Mickey Rourke. MICKEY ROURKE. Come sing along with our club in perfect Har-Mo-Ny. Dude got robbed. That’s Bullshit.

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: KATE WINSLET

@Michael_bay:  Woah, he really did beat the crap out of Rhiana…wait, that’s Sophia Lauren/

Philip Buster:  If you’re nervous, just picture them all without their clothes on.

Matt Sears: The Spice Girls look weird.

Max Powers: Sophia Lauren is done. Someone take her out. She looks like fine Italian leather.

BEST DIRECTOR: DANNY BOYLE

@Michael_bay:  I’d Reese her Withespoon if you know what I mean.

Philip Buster:  Somewhere, Ryan Phillippe is beating it like a gavel.

Matt Sears: …to his own reflection

Max Powers:  Best Cinnabontography — Queen Latifah.
 

UPDATE: Queen Latifah pours out some salad dressing in Paul Newman’s memory.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: DEPARTURES

@Michael_bay: You shouldn’t have to read while you watch a movie.

BEST SONG:  SLUMDOG (Jai Ho)

@Michael_bay: Where can these Indian kids safely store their awards?

Matt Sears: Slumdog is sweeping. Which is surprising to me. I liked Dark Knight but it’s getting beaten worse than Rihanna.

Philip Buster:  That’s funny. Right now in Mumbai, somewhere, a slumdog really IS sweeping.

Max Powers: Was that an Indian Peter Gabriel?

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE:  SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

@Michael_bay:  My Best Original Score? It involved Angelina and Salma Hayek on top of a mountain in Laos. BOOM

Max Powers: So Did mine!

@Michael_bay:  No it didn’t.

Max Powers:  No it didn’t.

Matt Sears:  Why do Indian guys dress like the Matrix when they win awards?

Philip Buster:  I’d like the Key’s to Alicia’s pants.
 

UPDATE: EDDIE MURPHY STOLE AN OSCAR AND IS HOLDING IT HOSTAGE WHILE TALKING ABOUT SPECIAL CHILDREN.

Matt Sears: $10 says Jerry Lewis refers to "Milk" as ‘that homo movie’

Max Powers: Sadly due to the digital conversion, none of Jerry Lewis’s fans can watch him accept this prestigious award.

FILM EDITING:  SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

@Michael_bay:  That’s what an Indian looks like? Im confused. Good for Moby.

Matt Sears:  It’s difficult to edit out all those flies on poor-kids-eyeballs scenes.

Philip Buster:   Best Flim Editing: Drumslog Millionaire.
 

SOUND MIXING: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Phillip Buster: Indians haven’t mixed that soundly since curry and rice.

 

SOUND EDITING: THE DARK KNIGHT

Matt Sears: Boom Goes The Dynamite.

 

VISUAL EFFECTS: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

@Michael_bay:  BOOOOOOOMMMMMM. Come on, I win this category every year.

Matt Sears:  Is Rambo up for an Oscar?

Philip Buster:  Four old white guys who took a white guy and made him look old. Congrats.

 

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT: SMILE PINKI

Max Powers: Has anyone seen these?

Matt Sears: Why did they give the award to high school art teacher?

 

BEST DOCUMENTARY: MAN ON WIRE

@Michael_bay:  Documentaries? Seriously? Those are not actually considered movies, are they?

Max Powers:  Bill Maher’s suit matches his hair. What? I just won the oscar for shittiest comment of the year? RAD.

Matt Sears:  A documentary about Bill Maher is not complete without swearing at hookers.

Philip Buster:  Bill Maher? He’s the thin man’s Michael Moore. That’s not a compliment.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:  HEATH LEDGER

@Michael_bay:  I’ve been wondering why Heath hasnt been taking my calls.

Max Powers:  When did Cuba grow hair?

Matt Sears:  Walken’s bow tie is crooked.

Philip Buster:  Is Heath Ledger ‘Supporting’ the ecosystem? Yes he is. PS Hoffman, you look like a criminal.

THIS JUST IN: ZAC EFRON IS DANCING. AND SINGING.

@Michael_bay:  Hugh Jackman should stick to punching things with knives.

Max Powers:  DANCE PARTY.

Matt Sears:  It is now permissable to masturbate to musicals. Thank you Oscar for breaking down that wall.

Philip Buster:  Wow. Beyonce looks Fabulous. A tall drink of sex appeal that Zac Effron has NO idea what to do with. Like a dog with a bicycle. You know what I mean.

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM: SPIELZEUGLAND (TOYLAND)

@Michael_bay:  I buy my weed from Seth Rogen.

Max Powers:  I buy my weed from @michael_bay

@Michael_bay: No you don’t.

Max Powers: No I don’t.

Matt Sears:  An east german who’s bald and wears all black? Somebody call Guiness. We’ve got a record.

Philip Buster:  Personally furious that "Hamster On A Piano" was disqualified for this category. Fking politics.

UPDATE: Seth Rogen and James Franco are impersonating the staff of Screenjunkies.com.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

@Michael_bay:  It’s great that there’s a category for best camera-holder. Im being sarcastic right now.

Max Powers:  Finally, Slumdog is getting the recognition it deserves.

Matt Sears:  They made a tv studio look like an ominous cave. Obviously they’ve never been to a live taping of The View

Philip Buster:  Cinematography in a Mumbai ghetto. That’s like turning on a flash bulb in a meat-locker basement. Anyone can do that.
 

THIS JUST IN: News flash. Oscar’s tribute to youth and beauty. They’re really taking a risk here folks. Stay tuned.

Matt Sears: I paid tribute to romance earlier today in the park and I got a ticket.

Phillip Buster: They should just do a self-love tribute. Like a giant mirror that lowers in front of the crowd. Then people can start stroking their beautiful, chiseled faces.

MAKEUP: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

COSTUME DESIGN: THE DUCHESS

Phillip Buster: Wow. They made Brad Pitt look old, then hot. Here’s your Nobel Prize.

@Michael_bay:  THE DUCHESS? Someone puts a dress on Keira and they win?
That’s like putting a sleeve on a pencil.
 
Max Powers:  Australia will be shut out. It couldn’t even win Best Movie Set in Australia.

Matt Sears:  Marisa Tomei should win Best Costume for The Wrestler.

Philip Buster:  Daniel Craig can’t read. He’s either drunk, or British (which mean’s he’s drunk). 

ART DIRECTION: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
 

@Michael_bay:  Not enough explosions.    
 
Max Powers:  Art dir-whatshion? Who’s this Art guy?

Matt Sears:  Good job painting stuff you guys.

Philip Buster: 
Weird. They got an Oscar. Bush didn’t get shit when he let New Orleans get shredded off-camera.

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM:  La Maison en Petits Cubes

@Michael_bay:  I haven’t forgiven the Japanese for Pearl Harbor. A lot of people havent forgiven me for Pearl Harbor.
 
Max Powers:  Awesome, some Japanese that America kind of understands.

Matt Sears:  Lavatory – Lovestory Starring Larry Craig. That would have won. But seriously, this guy is wicked french.

Philip Buster:  The title’s longer than the movie. Kato-San. You are my favorite animated short.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM:  Wall-E

@Michael_bay:  Jennifer Aniston’s career needs to be re-animated.
 
Max Powers:  Oh, Bay, calm down.

Matt Sears:  I heard that Wall-E had an epic meltdown on set.

Philip Buster:  Wally’s more lifelike than Aniston. For my money, I believe HIS eyebrows.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:  Slumdog Millionaire

@Michael_bay:  Again, writing has nothing to do with movie making.
 
Max Powers:  I was a Slumdog. Still am, kinda.

Matt Sears:  Frost Nixon: Ron Howard’s best screenplay since Splash. Must hurt to lose.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Mik

@Michael_bay:  This is a category? Screenwriting has nothing to do with movie making.

Max Powers: From now on I want tina fey to read all my movies to me.

Matt Sears:  Tina Fey’s dress looks like the one that Joan Riversbot wore in Spaceballs.

Philip Buster:  Wall-E. Because there no words.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: PENELOPE CRUZ
 

Philip Buster: Spain hasn’t stolen that much gold from us since the Spanish American War.

@Michael_bay:  I’ve done her.

Max Powers: I have not done her.

Matt Sears:  Woody Allen did her.

Philip Buster: Yo la tengo!!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

@Michael_bay:  Tilda Swinton ate my dog. Raw.

Max Powers: I want to make best supporting babies with Penelope Cruz.

Matt Sears:  Tilda Swinton is a shoe-in for Best Android.

Philip Buster: We’re praying that those strapless dresses hold.

@Michael_bay:  I can wrestle.

Max Powers:  Ok, we’re through the opening music number. Now I really love movies.

Matt Sears:  Those props suck. Did Michel Gondry Swede the oscars? Put down the cardboard Mos Def.

Philip Buster: He’s classy like 36Mafia. I like his tooth.

@Michael_bay:  I can sing better than Hugh.

Max Powers:  Hugh Jackman doesn’t have metal claws?

Matt Sears:  Billy Crystal looks REALLY good.

THIS JUST IN: Famous people are talking to gay reporters about all sorts of things, particularly just how amazing it is to have this opportunity to be talking to a gay reporter while being famous. Some people are excited. Other people are proud of Mickey Rourke.

@Michael_bay:  Kiddie Pool filled with Cristal: Check.

Max Powers:  People are wearing clothing. Fancy clothing.

Matt Sears:  Wouldn’t mind seeing those golden globes. The ones on Jessica Biel.

@Michael_bay: What’s a Blog?

Max Powers:  Its like CNN but on the computer.

Matt Sears: Blog was nominated for best picture.

 

 

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