The 18 Most Absurd Movie Sex Scenes

POSTED BY Max Powers | THURSDAY AUGUST 14 AT 10:29 PDT 

There are plenty of movies out there that can pull off a beautiful love scene. But it takes a skilled filmmaker to make an attractive woman get it on with a talking space duck. All of these movies should make your own weird little sexual preferences seem a little less....illegal.

Ghost Busters

Dan Ackroid gets a BJ from a Ghost, and does not call her the next day. Come on dudes, you would do the EXACT same thing if hovering female protoplasm tingled your dingle. Plus, she wouldn't have digits.  

The Naked Gun: From the Files of the Police Squad

Full Body Condoms are basically as safe as it gets. Actually, they sort of break the rule, which is that one condom is better than two. Otherwise things are going to rub together (in a bad way) and rip. Just like a raincoat in a...shower of raincoats.

Bad Santa 

She's not going to sh%@ right for a week. The only thing worse than being told that there is no Santa is being told that there is a Santa, and he is Billy Bob Thorton and probably has five strains of Chlamydia. The "F--k me, Santa scene" isn't exactly normal, either.

Crash (1996)

Automobile accident fetishism at its very finest. Personally, car wrecks are not my thing. I dunno, maybe in the right situation with the right girl? Like a Ford Model and Chevy GTO? Still, probably not.

Teeth

Listen dudes, let's not even talk about this one. Lets talk about something completely different. The Lakers did ok this sea...AHHH HER VAGINA HAS TEETH! This is a horrible concept for a movie, and it's even more horrible that they made it. But they did.

 Howard the Duck

He's a duck, but also a lover, and George Lucas made this film. Even watching this as a child I was concerned that it existed. I was also concerned that instead of having the sex talk with me, my parents just showed me the scene pictured above and said "Do you get it? Great!"

The Lawnmower Man

Virtual reality sex is one reason why we should not look forward to the future. I guess that when this movie was made, the idea of doing it over the interweb still had some degree of fascination to it. Now cybersex is as routine as having lunch. Lunch on Craigslist. Lunch on Craigslist three times a day.

Crank 

Look both ways before boning in the middle of the street in Chinatown (NSFW). This movie was basically my life, scene for scene. Same story-- failing heart that can only be shocked back into functioning through guns, drugs, cars, and risky exhibitionist sex with beautiful women. Exactly like my life.

The Chase 

Anyone who has tried it knows that sex while driving is better in theory than practice. There is something really strange about this scene though. Particularly the way that they do the sky in the background. It's just not right.

A Clockwork Orange

High speed orgies always go better with Beethoven. This might be the only consensual sex in the entire movie. The rest is just ultra violence and time spent at the Milk Bar.

Last tango in Paris 

Go get the butter.  I know this movie is supposed to be a beautiful masterpiece, but I spend most the time watching it in a state of utter confusion. And butter? Really? They make better stuff than that. Like Crisco.

The Dreamers 

Yeah, I guess your brother can watch, but for the record that's kind of weird. Bertolucci's movies are sexy, and this one is a fine example. You want to see it because Eva Green makes your whole body hurt she's so pretty.

Team America: World Police 

One of the most awesome Cleveland Steamers given to a puppet EVER. I was wondering why this movie makes so many lists. And then it occurred to me that that was sort of the point when Parker and Stone wrote it-- to make every last part of it as absurd as possible. They succeeded, and the world of cinema is a better place for it.

Demolition Man 

Fluids are purified, screened, and transferred by authorized medical personnel only. This is the future of virtual sex. You sit in a room made to look like 1990 wearing a funny hat and do it without touching. Ah, can't WAIT.

Me and You and Everyone We Know 

))<===>((.  This movie might be a little indie for most peoples tastes. But this scene is really good, and inspired a nation of eternal back and forth-ers, who just might live in your building.

Harold and Maude

.

I don't care that this movie is a cult classic, this scene really made me feel bad-funny on my insides. I never saw this movie growing up, and probably for a good reason. My friends were always telling me how phenomenal it was. So I finally gave in. And you know what? It's weird, and that's about it. Who want's to watch a teenager make out with a grandma? Oh yeah, people using the internet.

Clerks  

"You had sex with a dead guy?" I loved this movie when it came out. It was not the first flick made about people doing nothing, but it was the first one that I saw. The only problem is that it inspired a generation of film-school-going jerks that thought they could make just as shitty films and have a career like Kevin Smith.

Eyes Wide shut

Yeah, totally, invite your sister...invite whoever. I can't post a clip of this here, although there are PLENTY on the 'You Tubes.' It has some nipple in it, so they just end up getting taken down. It also has some Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in it. Those were the days.

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  1. Screen Junkies Says:
    July 29th, 2008 at 03:29 pm

    Man, this is the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. I bet the author is VERY hansome.

  2. Says:
    August 11th, 2008 at 11:53 am Showgirls pool scene doesn't make the cut?
  3. Says:
    August 11th, 2008 at 01:13 pm I also bet the author knows how to spell handsome
  4. Says:
    August 12th, 2008 at 06:00 am you missed the most absurd... john travolta in a boy in a bubble movie ,i guess he shoots his load inside the bubble .
  5. Says:
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:11 am The worst scene I have seen to this day is from the movie Dark Blue. The scene is between Michael Michelle and Scott Speedman. All I can say is that it looks like a wrestling match under the covers until it finally culminates with Mr. Speedman belly flopping while he orgasms. You can watch it a thousand times and it never resembles sex.
  6. Says:
    August 13th, 2008 at 08:10 am You forgot the best sex scene,,, in the movie Rambling Rose
  7. Says:
    August 13th, 2008 at 08:43 am ))<===>(( forever
  8. Says:
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:31 am Blue Velvet? The sex scene with him nuzzling the velvet certain deserves a mention.
  9. Says:
    August 13th, 2008 at 01:59 pm The Lawnmower Man scene is infact a scene from the movie called "The Minds Eye", entire thing is a test of virtual graphics, was actually pretty cool back in the day, but yeah that's what that scenes from
  10. Says:
    August 13th, 2008 at 07:28 pm Um. Pink Flamingos should have about 5 postings on this alone.
  11. Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 04:18 am Also, you should have added the sex scene from the movie "The Tall Guy", with Jeff Goldblum & Emma Thompson. Possibly the silliest and most bedroom-wrecking sex scene ever to hit commercial cinema!
  12. Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 06:16 am yip yip
  13. Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 10:05 pm with the same poop. Forever. hahaha priceless.
  14. Says:
    August 17th, 2008 at 06:48 pm Broke Back never made it?
  15. Says:
    August 18th, 2008 at 02:51 am Where is the rape scene from the french movie "Irrevesible"? The most disturbing and absurd scene i've ever seen !!
  16. Says:
    August 19th, 2008 at 10:42 am One Word... DELIVERANCE!
  17. Max Powers Says:
    August 19th, 2008 at 05:19 pm

    Ok, just for the record, we did not make a list of the most absurd rape scenes. This is a family website. Now back to Nick Jr.

  18. Says:
    October 23rd, 2008 at 02:31 pm Clerks is a shitty film? You should be hanged!
  19. Says:
    October 23rd, 2008 at 08:50 pm the cosmic fornication from the first star trek movie....where are they now Persis Khambatta
  20. Says:
    October 23rd, 2008 at 09:53 pm Shark Attack 3:megaladon defintely has the funniest and most absurd sex scene with candles, in a shower and a great opening line "What do you say I... take you home and eat your p*ssy. " one of the funniest movies ever
  21. Says:
    November 24th, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    I've seen alot of these movies...but the one that stuck was "The Dreamers".That scene right there was like...It was so awkwardly erotic, but it made you feel dirty afterwards...*shivers* In the end I just felt like I needed to take a shower. The movie was really wierd...haven`t seen it for a while, but it felt like it was all about awkward eroticism...yet it never really was EROTIC. 

  22. Says:
    November 27th, 2008 at 03:01 pm Why did the sex scene from "Shoot 'Em Up" make it? I mean, Clive Owen kills like 30 guys while never slipping out, and then finishes with the "Talk about shooting your load" line! Should've been #1 on this list
  23. Says:
    December 7th, 2008 at 11:45 am um howard and beverly did not do anything but faux flrit with each other and bevery just kissed him good night they are realy just friends
  24. Says:
    January 9th, 2009 at 01:39 am Anyone seen Earth Girls Are Easy? Bizarre sex scene.
  25. Says:
    January 22nd, 2009 at 05:57 pm THE TOXIC AVENGER ftw. Because clearly there is nothing more sexual than watching a 7-foot deformed dude have sex with a beautiful blonde.
  26. Says:
    February 12th, 2009 at 04:25 am Can anyone send me the link where i can download hip hop music vedios free and also dance vedios
  27. Says:
    March 28th, 2009 at 02:50 pm During one of the sex 18+scenes
  28. Says:
    May 11th, 2009 at 10:19 pm Blake Edward's Skin Deep?!?!?! When John Ritter wears the glow in the dark rubber and hides in the closet when the ladies husband comes in surprising her with his own glow in the dark condom and all you see is two glowing dongs floating around a dark scene. Almost like a star wars lightsaber battle. F'n hilarious scene.
  29. Says:
    May 12th, 2009 at 05:54 pm I swear this article was authored by a /b/tard
  30. Says:
    June 22nd, 2009 at 08:07 pm nononono you missed the scene from "kids" where that asshole has sex with chloe sevigny's passed out body. oh man. most uncomfortable sex scene EVER.
  31. Says:
    June 28th, 2009 at 01:22 am ...... The worst scene I have seen to this day is from the movie Dark Blue. The scene is between Michael Michelle and Scott Speedman. All I can say is that it looks like a wrestling match under the covers until it finally culminates with Mr. Speedman belly flopping while he orgasms. You can watch it a thousand times and it never resembles sex.
  32. Says:
    June 28th, 2009 at 06:37 am fuck you mr
  33. Says:
    July 1st, 2009 at 06:40 pm I say Pulp Fiction Was odd, the two men Seem to be hitting the mob boss, but then you realize why ball gags were used. Plus the Eeny Meeny Miney Mo part would result in lynching since he dropped the n bomb
  34. Says:
    July 7th, 2009 at 12:36 am where i can find more sex scene. other than youtube which sucks
  35. Says:
    July 30th, 2009 at 08:03 am metecafe is a good one as long as look in the 18+ bit
  36. Says:
    September 9th, 2009 at 03:25 am i know well to which time watch themovies
  37. Says:
    September 9th, 2009 at 09:29 am yeah Shoot 'Em Up should have made the list
  38. Says:
    September 9th, 2009 at 02:14 pm "Where's the carrot?" shower scene in Jack Frost anyone.....
  39. Says:
    September 10th, 2009 at 06:57 pm AMERICAN PSYCHO
  40. Says:
    September 10th, 2009 at 10:05 pm A History of Violence - Fuck scene on the stairs
  41. Says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 08:11 am What about all those anonymous people on Redtube.com?
  42. Says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 07:22 pm history of violence
  43. Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 06:13 pm in the book a clockwork orange its actually 2 10 year old girls that he brings home gets them drunk and has his way with both of them.
  44. Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 01:39 am I second the motion for Shoot'em up makeing the cut. Three words; Screwing and Fighting.
  45. Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 06:05 pm ووووووووووووووووووووووو
  46. Says:
    October 26th, 2009 at 03:18 pm Shoot Em Up. Should have been on there, no question.
  47. Says:
    October 30th, 2009 at 07:46 am It is impossible to find a more absurd scene than the one from "I married a strange person".
  48. Says:
    October 30th, 2009 at 08:12 pm For the record, the high speed orgy in "A Clockwork Orange" was set to Rossini, not Beethoven.
  49. Says:
    November 1st, 2009 at 05:53 pm what no Color of Night with Bruce Willis and Jane March ??!!??!?!
  50. Says:
    November 5th, 2009 at 11:46 am Bruno...the opening scenes with the Mexican guy.
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