The 18 Most Absurd Movie Sex Scenes

There are plenty of movies out there that can pull off a beautiful love scene. But it takes a skilled filmmaker to make an attractive woman get it on with a talking space duck. All of these movies should make your own weird little sexual preferences seem a little less....illegal.

Ghost Busters

Dan Ackroid gets a BJ from a Ghost, and does not call her the next day. Come on dudes, you would do the EXACT same thing if hovering female protoplasm tingled your dingle. Plus, she wouldn't have digits.  

The Naked Gun: From the Files of the Police Squad

Full Body Condoms are basically as safe as it gets. Actually, they sort of break the rule, which is that one condom is better than two. Otherwise things are going to rub together (in a bad way) and rip. Just like a raincoat in a...shower of raincoats.

Bad Santa 

She's not going to sh%@ right for a week. The only thing worse than being told that there is no Santa is being told that there is a Santa, and he is Billy Bob Thorton and probably has five strains of Chlamydia. The "F--k me, Santa scene" isn't exactly normal, either.

Crash (1996)

Automobile accident fetishism at its very finest. Personally, car wrecks are not my thing. I dunno, maybe in the right situation with the right girl? Like a Ford Model and Chevy GTO? Still, probably not.

Teeth

Listen dudes, let's not even talk about this one. Lets talk about something completely different. The Lakers did ok this sea...AHHH HER VAGINA HAS TEETH! This is a horrible concept for a movie, and it's even more horrible that they made it. But they did.

 Howard the Duck

He's a duck, but also a lover, and George Lucas made this film. Even watching this as a child I was concerned that it existed. I was also concerned that instead of having the sex talk with me, my parents just showed me the scene pictured above and said "Do you get it? Great!"

The Lawnmower Man

Virtual reality sex is one reason why we should not look forward to the future. I guess that when this movie was made, the idea of doing it over the interweb still had some degree of fascination to it. Now cybersex is as routine as having lunch. Lunch on Craigslist. Lunch on Craigslist three times a day.

Crank 

Look both ways before boning in the middle of the street in Chinatown (NSFW). This movie was basically my life, scene for scene. Same story-- failing heart that can only be shocked back into functioning through guns, drugs, cars, and risky exhibitionist sex with beautiful women. Exactly like my life.

The Chase 

Anyone who has tried it knows that sex while driving is better in theory than practice. There is something really strange about this scene though. Particularly the way that they do the sky in the background. It's just not right.

A Clockwork Orange

High speed orgies always go better with Beethoven. This might be the only consensual sex in the entire movie. The rest is just ultra violence and time spent at the Milk Bar.

Last tango in Paris 

Go get the butter.  I know this movie is supposed to be a beautiful masterpiece, but I spend most the time watching it in a state of utter confusion. And butter? Really? They make better stuff than that. Like Crisco.

The Dreamers 

Yeah, I guess your brother can watch, but for the record that's kind of weird. Bertolucci's movies are sexy, and this one is a fine example. You want to see it because Eva Green makes your whole body hurt she's so pretty.

Team America: World Police 

One of the most awesome Cleveland Steamers given to a puppet EVER. I was wondering why this movie makes so many lists. And then it occurred to me that that was sort of the point when Parker and Stone wrote it-- to make every last part of it as absurd as possible. They succeeded, and the world of cinema is a better place for it.

Demolition Man 

Fluids are purified, screened, and transferred by authorized medical personnel only. This is the future of virtual sex. You sit in a room made to look like 1990 wearing a funny hat and do it without touching. Ah, can't WAIT.

Me and You and Everyone We Know 

))<===>((.  This movie might be a little indie for most peoples tastes. But this scene is really good, and inspired a nation of eternal back and forth-ers, who just might live in your building.

Harold and Maude

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I don't care that this movie is a cult classic, this scene really made me feel bad-funny on my insides. I never saw this movie growing up, and probably for a good reason. My friends were always telling me how phenomenal it was. So I finally gave in. And you know what? It's weird, and that's about it. Who want's to watch a teenager make out with a grandma? Oh yeah, people using the internet.

Clerks  

"You had sex with a dead guy?" I loved this movie when it came out. It was not the first flick made about people doing nothing, but it was the first one that I saw. The only problem is that it inspired a generation of film-school-going jerks that thought they could make just as shitty films and have a career like Kevin Smith.

Eyes Wide shut

Yeah, totally, invite your sister...invite whoever. I can't post a clip of this here, although there are PLENTY on the 'You Tubes.' It has some nipple in it, so they just end up getting taken down. It also has some Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in it. Those were the days.